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My favourite joke.

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  • My favourite joke.

    Had to share this with you guys. Two old blokes, they lived a little north of here owned a fighting dog it was a short haired, long tailed, short legged, long nosed australian fighting dog and they thought it was the best fighting dog ever, so they advertised for a challenger worldwide. Some time later a japenese man replied and a fight was arranged. The two old blokes took their short haired, long tailed, short legged, long nosed australian fighting dog to japan and laid a huge bet. When both dogs were thrown into the ring there was a horrific sound and for 15 minutes nothing but dust, when it finally settled there was no sign of the japenese dog at all. The two old blokes gathered up their winnings and were leaving when a Japenese man said "What does short haired, long tailed, short legged, long nosed australian fighting dog mean in english" one old bloke turns and says "crocodile".
    We haven't had trouble for a while, Let's cancel security!

  • #2
    Cop Jokes

    1 - A police officer pulled over a vehicle for speeding. The officer asked the driver why he was going so fast. The driver claimed that he was just trying to keep up with traffic. The officer objected, saying: "There aren't any other cars on the road!" The driver replied: "Yeah, well see how far behind I am."



    2 - A blond policewoman pulled over a blond motorist. The blond officer asked: "May I see your license, registration, and insurance please?" The blond driver seemed baffled by the officer's request. Finally, the blond officer said: "You know, that thing in your purse with your picture on it." The motorist said: "Oh yeah, that thing." and pulled out her makeup compact and gave it to the blond officer. The blond officer opened the compact and looked at the mirror. She gave it back to the motorist and told her: "I'm going to let you off as a professional courtesy since you are a police officer to."
    Security: Freedom from fear; danger; safe; a feeling of well-being. (Webster's)

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    • #3
      Another Cop Joke (Sorry Tennsix)

      A police officer pulled over a suspected drunk driver. The officer asked the driver: "Sir, your eyes look a little blood-shot. Have you been drinking?"

      The motorist answered: "No sir. Officer, your eyes look a little glazed. Have you been eating donuts?"
      Security: Freedom from fear; danger; safe; a feeling of well-being. (Webster's)

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      • #4
        My worst joke.But funny.

        How did the male elephant find the female elephant in the jungle? Delightful.
        We haven't had trouble for a while, Let's cancel security!

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        • #5
          Q = Why to the French line their streets with trees?

          A = So the German army can march in the shade.

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          • #6
            Haha that was so funny..
            Be an independent nurse contractor | How to start a nursing agency | Start a nurse staffing agency

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            • #7
              I'm sorry too tennsix.

              A cop pulls over a young man for a breath test, the cop asks have you had any thing too drink tonight. The young man answers yeah i've had three shots of whiskey two beers a joint and two lines of speed. The cop says well you better blow in here for me. The young man says Why don't you believe me.
              We haven't had trouble for a while, Let's cancel security!

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              • #8
                Cop Jokes III

                A police officer stops a vehicle for speeding and requests the usual documents. The driver tells the officer that he doesn't have a license, the car is stolen, and there is a gun in the glove box.

                After taking the driver into custody, the officer's sergeant arrives and they both begin searching the vehicle. The police find the motorist's license and determine that the car is not stolen after all. No gun is found either.

                The sergeant asks the driver why he said what he did. The driver said: "I suppose that officer told you I was speeding to!"
                Security: Freedom from fear; danger; safe; a feeling of well-being. (Webster's)

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                • #9
                  Tasmania

                  Michael jackson has left Tasmania after finding out it wasn't two trapped "minors"
                  We haven't had trouble for a while, Let's cancel security!

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                  • #10
                    Ten Signs Your Partner Needs A Vacation


                    10. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren.
                    9. He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested.
                    8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar.
                    7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.
                    6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop".
                    5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.
                    4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.
                    3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids.
                    2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.
                    1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!




                    Ten Signs The Police Chief Hates You


                    10. He sends you on drug raids....alone.
                    9. He refers to you as "Our Little Mascot."
                    8. The job description in your contract includes "crash test dummy" and "pepper-spray test subject."
                    7. Instead of a gun, you were issued a water pistol.
                    6. He always tells you that only wussies call for back-up.
                    5. He lied to you about an "officer exchange program" and put you on a plane to Siberia.
                    4. He doesn't like to be seen with you in public.
                    3. He makes up "missing persons" and then sends you to look for them.
                    2. You always get the patrol car with the flat tire, no gas, a dead battery, and a broken air conditioner.
                    1. Your locker is also the broom closet!!
                    When not at work or out watching a moive.. passed out at the keyboard.

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                    • #11
                      [font size=1]7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.[/font]

                      I... am The Law. Throw down your weapons, and prepare to be judged.

                      Man, that movie was so wrong to the comic, but so right as a comedy.
                      Some Kind of Commando Leader

                      "Every time I see another crazy Florida post, I'm glad I don't work there." ~ Minneapolis Security on Florida Security Law

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                      • #12
                        IB107:
                        Thank you, that was delightful.
                        Enjoy the day,
                        Bill

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                        • #13
                          Prime minister.

                          On behalf of all Australians i sincerely apologies to the Canadian people, for our prime ministers recent visit.
                          We haven't had trouble for a while, Let's cancel security!

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by crankloud
                            On behalf of all Australians i sincerely apologies to the Canadian people, for our prime ministers recent visit.
                            I'm Canadian. What did he do?
                            I enforce rules and regulations, not laws.
                            Security Officers. The 1st First Responders.

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                            • #15
                              Visit?

                              Just a joke guys....
                              We haven't had trouble for a while, Let's cancel security!

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