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the weirdest question ever been asked while on duty

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  • airtight security officer
    replied
    Originally posted by LP9999 View Post
    Don't know about the weirdest ?, but here's the stupidest one:

    While standing under the big blue sign that says "RESTROOMS" someone inevitibly always asks "Where's the bathroom?"
    i know that question really well i use to work for knott's berry farm

    Leave a comment:


  • Contact
    replied
    Originally posted by tattedupboy View Post
    The stupid question that irks me most is when, despite having the word "security" emblazoned on four different places on my uniform (on my hat, on my badge patch, on my shoulder patch, and across my back), people ask if I'm a police officer. Why do people not take the time to read anymore?
    Don't act like you don't like it.

    Leave a comment:


  • NRM_Oz
    replied
    Ok some more classics:

    Drunken Passenger: Why won't you let me on the bus ?
    Me: You are both intoxicated and if you sober up can go on the next one in 20 minutes.
    DP: Well F. YOU ....... we are not that drunk (he hails a cab and delivers a pavement pizza all over the backseat).
    Me: Glad I did not let get on the bus now
    Bus Driver: So am I - it would have been my bus too.

    VIP Function where I was working as front of house manager.

    Angry Woman: I want to come in - let me in now - I am running late.
    Me: Do you have a ticket madam ?
    AW: I did not bring it with me - let me in.
    Me: Madam, may I have your name so I may check the guest list ?
    AW: You should know who I am. Are you stupid ?
    Me: Madam, your name please ?
    AW: (Gives false name of VIP Guest) now let me in.
    Me: How are you feeling tonight, Madam ?
    AW: What do you mean, how am I feeling ? I am angry with you !!
    Me: This guest broke her leg today and is wearing a leg cast. She is almost 70 and you appear much younger with no cast.
    AW: Don't bother - you people will hear from my lawyer and pay for this
    Me: Thank you and have a good evening madam.

    Bus Stupidity

    Him: Can I take my Macca's (McDonalds) on the bus and eat it on the way home ?
    Me: No but you can ask the bus driver if he may let you as I won't.
    Him: Why not ?
    Me: It is not a mobile restaurant so you can ask him if he may let you.
    Him: Can't you just tell him to let me eat on the bus ?
    No: Once he leaves the bus-stop he is in charge like a ship's captain.
    Him: I eat in my car all the time - so I won't be a problem.
    Me: Perhaps next time you could drive home your car home so you can eat drving home.
    Him: Are you telling me not to catch the bus next time ?
    Me: No I just suggested you a way to get home and eat as well.
    Him: So I can't eat on the bus ?
    Me: No.
    Last edited by NRM_Oz; 11-13-2007, 06:59 PM.

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  • tattedupboy
    replied
    The stupid question that irks me most is when, despite having the word "security" emblazoned on four different places on my uniform (on my hat, on my badge patch, on my shoulder patch, and across my back), people ask if I'm a police officer. Why do people not take the time to read anymore?

    Leave a comment:


  • LP9999
    replied
    Don't know about the weirdest ?, but here's the stupidest one:

    While standing under the big blue sign that says "RESTROOMS" someone inevitibly always asks "Where's the bathroom?"

    Leave a comment:


  • LP9999
    replied
    Originally posted by NRM_Oz View Post
    She got done for $130k over 4 years and so did her sister for about the same amount.
    OMG!!!!!! Nice!!!!

    Leave a comment:


  • NRM_Oz
    replied
    Lost Tourist in Sydney.

    Q: `Scuse please .............. where is this ?

    Me: Ummmmmmmm this is a map of the wrong city - you need one of Sydney.

    Female Backpacker
    Q: How long is the next bus ?
    Me: About 16 metres and a bit more ............. no seriously you have missed the buses they finish at 0130 on a week night.

    Q: How am I supposed to get home ?
    Me: Walk, taxi, just be careful walking through Hyde Park alone at night

    Q: Are YOU going to pay for me to get a taxi home ?
    Me: No sorry I work on the transit buses so this has nothing to do with me.

    Q: Will you give me a free ticket ?
    Me: No I have to pay for mine and so will you


    Dishonest Employee Interview

    Her: Can I ask you a question ...... if you knew I stole the $39k from the company, why are you doing this interview ?
    Me: I need to give every employee I investigate the opportunity to give me there version of events.

    Her: So what if I told you I had taken more ............ what are you going to do about it then ?
    Me: What do you mean by this ?

    Her: I took alot more than that small amount in the last few years and there is nothing else you can do about it now, is there ?
    Me: How much would you say it was ?

    Her: I would say about $110k maybe more. But there is nothing you can do about it now right ? Can you arrest me for it ?
    Me: I need to confirm the truth behind what you said unless you can give me details.

    She got done for $130k over 4 years and so did her sister for about the same amount.
    Last edited by NRM_Oz; 11-09-2007, 12:47 AM.

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  • Bill Warnock
    replied
    bpdblue, don't you love those MasterCard moments? They are absolutely priceless.
    Enjoy the day,
    Bill

    Leave a comment:


  • bpdblue
    replied
    While on patrol, I saw a woman who was lying on the ground, under a parked truck, in her bra and panties. This was at approx 2:00 am. I thought she might be dead. I radio'ed it in, hit her up with all my patrol car's lights, and began to get out of my car.

    At that time she climbed out from under the truck, ran to my patrol car, jumped in the back seat, and asked me to arrest her. I told her to get out of my car. By now my cover units were arriving. (I only wanted one, but when the guys hear this type of call everyone wants to come.)

    She told me she would not get out. I had not invited her into my car, so she was going to get out. I couldn't threaten her with arrest, because that's what she said she wanted. All my cover units were rolling around laughing. That got her upset enough to get out.

    I asked her why she was out in her current state of dress (it was cold out too. She was not drunk or under the influence of any illgal substance.), she then asked me nicely to arrest her. I asked her why I should. She told me she had some warrants. I ran her out, and son-of-a-gun, she did, so I arrested her, and then I invited her into the back seat for the trip to jail.

    Well, I put on the charm and got the answer for what was going on. She was in her apartment with her boyfriend, pi**ed him off (while in her then current state of dress) and she ran out of the apartment because she was afraid he was going to beat her.

    She was pleased as punch that I came around to rescue her. All these years later it still cracks me up as one of those silly things you just never even think will happen, then it does.

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  • bigdog
    replied
    15 year old kid at one of my Section 8 properties:
    "Are those real handcuffs? cause my friend has a pair of fake ones that are hard to get out of."

    Leave a comment:


  • integrator97
    replied
    Originally posted by wackenhut hickey View Post
    Do you have a clean pair of pants I can borrow
    Maybe. What size and color?

    Leave a comment:


  • Bill Warnock
    replied
    Young lady (stretching it description) to me, "If I'm extra nice to you will you forget I ran that light, I give really good he*d?"
    Me, "No ma'am and now you are under arrest for solicitation of a law enforcement officer."
    Her, "It will be your word against mine!"
    Me, "No ma'am, my partner (car captain) is standing right in back of me and heard every word."
    Turn your head, he's nodding!
    Cuffed and car towed, nothing like two for one in a single stop, and then I fumigate the cruiser, no joke, that bad. Low man on the totem pole.
    Enjoy the day,
    Bill

    Leave a comment:


  • Contact
    replied
    It's not really a question, but tons of people always make mention of how nice my Glock is.


    ...You know, since every single semi-auto handgun in the world is a Glock.

    Leave a comment:


  • CameraMan
    replied
    When I did installations, every time we did a job in an office setting, I would get two questions without fail:

    1) Are there any hidden cameras in the bathrooms?

    2) Are there hidden microphones?

    When I was new, I would always answer very conscientiously "No, of course not. That would be illegal". After a while I got bored of that, and would start getting creative. Like, "NO (big nod) THAT WOULD BE AGAINST THE LAW (suggestive wink, point frantically at random object like a light fixture or a crack in the wall)". Or, "We did put one in but your boss is too cheap to pay for it so we never connected it". Or, "no, but I can hook one up for you for fifty bucks". Or "there is no such thing as hidden cameras, that's just something you see in the movies." Or I'd hold up a scrap of wire wrapped around a sheetrock screw and say "yup, that's it right here". Or (on bad days) "Actually, there are about 32 hidden cameras scattered throughout the building. Next month we start bugging the phones".

    On occasion we would also get some smelly hippy type lecturing us about invasions of privacy (I work in New York City). Those were fun.

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Originally posted by wackenhut hickey View Post
    Do you have a clean pair of pants I can borrow
    No.

    ...And once again the message I entered was too short, so I was forced to type more drivel in white text in an attempt to make others perceive I have L33t ski1z and got away with a two-letter answer, and made a massive run-on sentence to boot.

    Leave a comment:

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