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My List of things the security guard at Kraft Foods can't do.

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  • My List of things the security guard at Kraft Foods can't do.

    "NOTE: This thread is ment as a JOKE. something to have a good laugh at after a long day at work. I'm sorry in advance if this angers any one here."

    My List of things the security guard at Kraft Foods can't do.

    Can't make a sign that reads "If you can spare a cigarette inform the guard!"

    Not allowed to use the gate 19 arm to hold a limbo contest to see how low the truckers can go.

    Not allowed to use CCTV 1 to film my personal music video.

    Not allowed to let sock puppets to answer the phone.

    Not allowed to make my own silent movie with CCTV 6

    Not allowed to trick the truck drivers in to dropping their load at the local McDonnals

    Inflatable sheep are not allowed to take over your post while you go to use the bathroom.

    Using the company computer to look up new forms of voodoo is not allowed.

    Not allowed to trick the truckers in to thinking there is brain eating zombies around the corner.

    Not allowed to place brain eating zombies around the corner.

    Not allowed to hack the company computer to speed up the clock so I can get off early on Monday.

    Not allowed to hack any computer to let anyone off early.

    The CB is not my personal Broadcasting Station.

    Not allowed to run a CB Radio show between the hours on 12am - 8am.

    Not allowed to yell ECHO! in the back of every trailer just to hear it echo back.

    Not allowed to to tell the drivers that, "I'll let you in if you can answer my three riddles."

    Not allowed to lock the turnstiles while someone is going through.

    Not allowed to write the time down in binary.

    Not allowed to reenact scenes of Family Guy at the main gate.

    Not allowed to quote stewie when the truck drivers piss me off.

    Not allowed to use the arm at gate 19 to launch items on to the roof of kraft foods.

    Not allowed to use the arms at gate 19 to send boy scount flag messages.

  • #2
    lol i almost fell out of my chair. thanks for the laughs.
    Its not how we die that counts.....
    Its not how we lived that counts....
    all that matters is how we saved that one life that one time by being in the right place at the right time....


    • #3
      Umm, how many of those have you actually done ?


      • #4
        All I want to know is why you have an inflatable sheep at your post . . .
        The law is reason free from passion." -- Aristotle


        • #5

          Maybe cause he is allergic to real sheep.
          CAPTAIN KOOLAID 9594

          oh ya


          • #6
            all i know is if i could get away with it, i would so take a photo of it.


            • #7
              Originally posted by Sgt koolaid View Post
              Maybe cause he is allergic to real sheep.
              Sgt koolaid because as any sheep herder will tell you, when various farm animals are interviewed by authorities, sheep are prone to lie about the herder's actions.
              Enjoy the day,


              • #8
                Good one Bill

                Not allowed to string the macaroni from box's of Kraft Dinner together to make Christmas tree ornaments, for gifts or sale.
                (not on company time anyway)

                As with the not allowed to run a CB show from midnight to 8, is that because you should be working or because there is to much skip during those hours and might interfer with Managment coffee machines or something?
                Last edited by Eric; 08-09-2007, 08:25 AM.
                Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
                Groucho Marx


                • #9
                  because I'm dealing with the truckers at the gate i'm at we use a CB most of the time.


                  • #10
                    not allowed to hug every trucker that comes in and say "happy happy love love!"

                    i have a few others that i'm slowly cooking up. once i have about 20 more i'll post them here.


                    • #11
                      Thanks for the laugh.

                      I for one do not want to know any more about the sheep. Inflatible or otherwise.
                      "Gun control, the theory that 110lb. women have the "right" to fistfight with 210lb. rapists. " Author Unknown


                      • #12
                        FYI to Midnight Fox . . . "Baa" means NO!
                        The law is reason free from passion." -- Aristotle


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by alamedaad View Post
                          FYI to Midnight Fox . . . "Baa" means NO!
                          Ahh but Bah also means yes... and the book can also become, a hat.
                          "You gotta look like Rico Suave, Think like Einstein and, only if that fails...fight like Tyson." -Dougo83's FTO

                          Me- "Should we call the police?" My FTO- "Justin, here, we are the police. Go get em."

                          Originally posted by Black Caesar
                          some people just need killin!!!!! (Or Tasing, or pepper spraying or whatever).


                          • #14
                            not allowed to sing in a high pitch tone during female roles in songs

                            not allowed at all over the CB

                            not allowed to re-enact stunts from the dukes of hazard in the company trunk

                            not allowed to answer the phone saying "hanks house of happy hippos"

                            not allowed to give the truck drivers directions over the CB to the local adult book store (even if we knew where it was at)

                            not allowed to rhyme every word I speak during my shift

                            not allowed to talk like Shakespeare to the truckers

                            not allowed to do puppet shows from the sliding window at main gate

                            not allowed to hold belching contests with the truck drivers. (even if you have been drinking diet Pepsi)

                            not allowed to play Marco polo over the CB


                            • #15
                              Can you answer the phone "Fire Department, you light them, we fight them?"
                              I enforce rules and regulations, not laws.
                              Security Officers. The 1st First Responders.