Boys and girls, forgive me because I've posted this before, but I get such a giggle out of reading this every time the job gets posted that I can't help myself.
If you think you have "nonsecurity" jobs to perform, you probably wouldn't want to be a county park ranger in Washington. (On a more serious note, though, you'll be able to see why a county park is probably the best place in the world to commit a crime).
Seems like we regularly have openings for this job...I can't imagine why:
_______________________
Essential Job Duties:
▪ Performs law enforcement duties [HAH-HAH!] such as issuing citations for park violations, investigations of illegal dumping on park properties, checking on report of timber theft and patrolling assigned park areas for public safety and compliance of day-use parking and camping fees. Also follows up on failure to pay notices and issues citations as warranted by code.
▪ Cleans, sanitizes restrooms, replenishes towels, toilet tissue, soap and other supplies; empties waste baskets; collects and disposes of garbage and litter; cleans picnic shelters; clears trails and sweeps, rakes and picks up trash from grounds; cleans fire rings and fireplaces. [Note that "garbage and litter" in most parks is comprised of used condoms, drug paraphernalia, crap-filled Huggies, partially-filled propane cannisters, broken bottles, dog piles and other sundry pleasantries left behind by week-end revelers.]
▪ Mows, edges, trims, irrigates and fertilizes lawns; weeds planting beds; irrigates and fertilizes and maintains a variety of flowers, plants, shrubs and trees.
▪ Inspects park grounds, play equipment, ball fields and facilities; corrects or reports unsafe or unsanitary conditions.
▪ Makes minor repairs to picnic tables, benches, garbage receptacles, play structures and other structures.
▪ Operates trucks, tractors, power mowers, chain saws, line trimmers, and other small power equipment; may provide minor equipment repair.
▪ Answers questions and provides information on the county park system to park users; opens and closes park gates.
▪ Renders First Aid, CPR, or other emergency assistance as necessary. ["If you'll pardon the brown stuff under my fingernails, ma'am, I'm just going to apply this bandage....]
▪ Maintains required records and prepares routine reports.
▪ Installs and maintains signs.
WORKING CONDITIONS
The work is performed primarily outdoors in all types of weather. Employees will work evenings, weekends and holidays as required. ["...as required"?? Think about it - we're talking about parks here, people...]
____________
I have a couple of relevant degrees, two state police academies, countless certifications and years of relevant experience for the (obviously incidental) LE aspects of the job, but I probably wouldn't qualify for this job. You see (I blush to confess) I've always had a heck of a time replacing the line in my Weed-Whacker. I just get it threaded onto the spool, and SPROING! It's all over the garage.
I see it now: "Ranger Cadet, you have FAILED the Weed-Whacker lock-and-load test. We cannot trust you with this dangerous weapon. You also didn't do too good with Sweeping. Kindly turn in your rake, your hoe, and depart from our midst forever. Oh - and leave the broom too, please." <Titters and cat-calls of "LOSER!" burst forth from the assembled ranger cadets as I shuffle off in shame, denied forever the joy of scrubbing human waste and other bodily emissions from the walls and ceilings of park restrooms.>
I know! I'll go home, crap in some Huggies, throw 'em out on the lawn with some half-eaten hot dogs and a few used condoms (if I can remember how those things work), and pretend that I'm a ranger, picking them up! I can be a ranger in my own private little park! YEAH! Gimme my Smokey hat. What's that? No, not the Weed-Whacker.
Oh, and you also have to go through LE academy before you can be issued your toilet brush...so where do you think people go after they've done that and have a year or so of weeding, mowing and toilet scrubbing under their belts? Uh....police departments, maybe? Could this be a teensy clue to the turnover? Hmmmm?
Does anyone happen to know if a duty belt baton ring will fit a toilet brush? I like to keep mine ready for action at all times.
If you think you have "nonsecurity" jobs to perform, you probably wouldn't want to be a county park ranger in Washington. (On a more serious note, though, you'll be able to see why a county park is probably the best place in the world to commit a crime).
Seems like we regularly have openings for this job...I can't imagine why:
_______________________
Essential Job Duties:
▪ Performs law enforcement duties [HAH-HAH!] such as issuing citations for park violations, investigations of illegal dumping on park properties, checking on report of timber theft and patrolling assigned park areas for public safety and compliance of day-use parking and camping fees. Also follows up on failure to pay notices and issues citations as warranted by code.
▪ Cleans, sanitizes restrooms, replenishes towels, toilet tissue, soap and other supplies; empties waste baskets; collects and disposes of garbage and litter; cleans picnic shelters; clears trails and sweeps, rakes and picks up trash from grounds; cleans fire rings and fireplaces. [Note that "garbage and litter" in most parks is comprised of used condoms, drug paraphernalia, crap-filled Huggies, partially-filled propane cannisters, broken bottles, dog piles and other sundry pleasantries left behind by week-end revelers.]
▪ Mows, edges, trims, irrigates and fertilizes lawns; weeds planting beds; irrigates and fertilizes and maintains a variety of flowers, plants, shrubs and trees.
▪ Inspects park grounds, play equipment, ball fields and facilities; corrects or reports unsafe or unsanitary conditions.
▪ Makes minor repairs to picnic tables, benches, garbage receptacles, play structures and other structures.
▪ Operates trucks, tractors, power mowers, chain saws, line trimmers, and other small power equipment; may provide minor equipment repair.
▪ Answers questions and provides information on the county park system to park users; opens and closes park gates.
▪ Renders First Aid, CPR, or other emergency assistance as necessary. ["If you'll pardon the brown stuff under my fingernails, ma'am, I'm just going to apply this bandage....]
▪ Maintains required records and prepares routine reports.
▪ Installs and maintains signs.
WORKING CONDITIONS
The work is performed primarily outdoors in all types of weather. Employees will work evenings, weekends and holidays as required. ["...as required"?? Think about it - we're talking about parks here, people...]
____________
I have a couple of relevant degrees, two state police academies, countless certifications and years of relevant experience for the (obviously incidental) LE aspects of the job, but I probably wouldn't qualify for this job. You see (I blush to confess) I've always had a heck of a time replacing the line in my Weed-Whacker. I just get it threaded onto the spool, and SPROING! It's all over the garage.
I see it now: "Ranger Cadet, you have FAILED the Weed-Whacker lock-and-load test. We cannot trust you with this dangerous weapon. You also didn't do too good with Sweeping. Kindly turn in your rake, your hoe, and depart from our midst forever. Oh - and leave the broom too, please." <Titters and cat-calls of "LOSER!" burst forth from the assembled ranger cadets as I shuffle off in shame, denied forever the joy of scrubbing human waste and other bodily emissions from the walls and ceilings of park restrooms.>
I know! I'll go home, crap in some Huggies, throw 'em out on the lawn with some half-eaten hot dogs and a few used condoms (if I can remember how those things work), and pretend that I'm a ranger, picking them up! I can be a ranger in my own private little park! YEAH! Gimme my Smokey hat. What's that? No, not the Weed-Whacker.
Oh, and you also have to go through LE academy before you can be issued your toilet brush...so where do you think people go after they've done that and have a year or so of weeding, mowing and toilet scrubbing under their belts? Uh....police departments, maybe? Could this be a teensy clue to the turnover? Hmmmm?
Does anyone happen to know if a duty belt baton ring will fit a toilet brush? I like to keep mine ready for action at all times.
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