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  • #31
    one of the other commissioned guys in the company i'm leaving carries FIVE extra hicap magazines for his taurus, 3 sets of handcuffs, 2 different types of OC, a telescoping baton, 2 linerlock knives and a stungun.
    sigpicMy ideal security vehicle and uniforms:


    • #32
      Another classic was "Shane the Pain" who was said to be an ex bouncer but was just a lazy slob that no1 trusted. 1 night shift I worked with him and Alan for 12 hours when Shane assumed he was in charge of us (we were all casuals). After a break Shane orders us back to work when Alan tells him to get a life and walks to the dumpster. I grab the car keys when Shane snatches them back and tells me to do a foot patrol. I get the spare keys and tell him to grow up. I drive out to see Alan at the office doors holding our rosters / company news letter. He shakes my hand having read my promotion to level 4 (Shift Manager) when he receives a call from a co-worker who informs us that he rang the gatehouse and spoke with Shane who called him a liar when he discussed my promotion.

      I parked the patrol car as Alan goes inside and I then hear yelling as Shane threatened to kill Alan. I run in to stop it as Shane begins to abuse me and tells me this is all my fault. Alan tells Shane to show some respect when Shane rips up the Newsletter with my promotion details and takes a fighting stance. He then tells us he will do the same to if we wish to step outside. Alan (a kick boxer) does a high kick and rests his ankle on my shoulder telling Shane to make sure he warns the hospital he will be visiting very soon.

      Shane swears and punchs a glass cabinet door shattering the safety glass and storms out. I tell Alan to cool it as he holds his "meat and 2 veg" in pain. I sitrep the Shift Commander who arrives in 10 minutes as we hear smashing glass and both witness Shane smashing glass windows with a tree branch (he was 32). He was arrested and later charged by the police and I spent the next 7 hours writing reports. Later we find out he was on some medication he had not taken that day and after he was fired we heard he received only $28.00 from 2 weeks pay of 165 hours for his outrage.
      "Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer" Sun Tzu


      • #33
        My coming soon

        I'll post some stories soon...

        Including the brand new serials

        Lesbian Daughter of Nepotist Branch Manager
        Insane Stinky
        Phantom Bin Pooper
        Animal Farm Supervisor
        The Three Amigos
        Teeny Weird Boy

        There may be others.
        Last edited by geordiekimbo; 10-25-2007, 10:47 PM. Reason: profanity and additional entry


        • #34
          Lesbian Daughter of Nepotist Branch Manager

          (bear in mind i am in no way, agist, sexist or racist. I just don't like people who can't do their job).

          Ok this Branch Manager, we'll called him Pete, has a daughter, we'll call her Ann. Not so special i hear you say. However this particular fellow seems to have a habit of employing people he knows. A couple of colleagues from his previous position - headhunted. His wife, appointed a pretty nice job on reception/security duties at another site. His daughter is employed on the site I joined. She'd been there maybe 4 - 6 months before I got on there. Nothing major yet right? Well she's 19 years old. Oh then her friend gets appointed to the same site.

          The site supervisor position becomes available. Guess who gets it? Yup, Ann does. This is over the heads of several better qualified, more responsible SOs. What else happens? Well, yet another female friend of hers gets a SO job at the same site. This also happens to coincide with a change of rostering so that those two, always and only ever work together on dayshift...and also get the ocassional perk of Ann being able to borrow Pete's company car in order to get to work. Otherwise they get preferential treatment for the Mobile SOs to pick them up on a morning, and lifted off home tonight (I must say i was alos lifted in too, butoften early to coincide with their proper finishing times - but nevermind).

          We get another position available, and who gets the job? Her boyfriend...who really wasn't her boyfriend for all that long. But when she split up with him, he suddenly was moved to other sites as a "Floating SO"

          But wait...there's more.

          At this site I brought in a teeny tiny LCD TV, one of those little thing with a 4 inch screen. So this particular day I finished my shift. I put my TV in my locker and go home to have two days off. When I return, I walk in and see my lockerdoor bend in half, folded over at the hinge. I ask her whats going on....she looks REALLY sheepish...and mumbles "Coronation Street?" Not understanding what she's said, I'm confused and ask who did this....she says "Bob" did it. So I have to grill her to find out what the heck has happened. I look in my locker and my TV isn't in there. So I ask where it is - she points over to the top of the microwave - theres my TV on top of it. I'm getting a little annoyed by this time and ask what its doing there. She replies "I wanted to watch Coronation Street!" So I quite annoyed by this time and ask what the big idea is....she can't really give a coherent answer. I ask has any of my stuff been stolen "No!" has a report been made about the break in - "No, nothings been taken!"

          I'm just numb with how this has happened or what the hells gone on. I write my own report from my findings. Basically pointing out the inneptitude of the supervisor and saying she is incompetent, what with - No locking away my gear safely, Using my property, Not filing a report, Not informing me at home, Not telling the police. Of the report goes with the Mobile SO

          A few weeks goes by, and i find out that it wasn't Bob who broke into my locker. I hear on good authority that the Mobile SO (Whom had actually dropped me off that day to find my locker like that - and - who took the report to the Branch Manager) was the person who'd broke into my locker. Needles to say i pomise myself some words with him when i see him next.

          As luck would have it, the next person related to this incident that I do see a few weeks later is Pete, the branch manager himself who picks me up to do a random site miles away from my usual site. So i confront him about it. He sort of knows what I'm talking about, and he tells me that he hasn't done anything about it... I ask him if he got my report. He said he had, and when i ask what action he's took, he replies that he hasn't done ANY action. When i ask why, he simply replies "I didn't like the way it was worded!" I'm furious of course... And just tell him "it proves the theory its not what you know its who your dad is!" he gets a bit annoyed himself and says something like...I could have you up for a disciplinary for saying things like that." He instantly clams up when i say "whenever you're ready, I'll be there with a witness and a solicitor" sufficed to say there was no disciplinary. A year or so later he left the company to pursue a job elswhere. His duahgter and her friends went soon after when it tranpsires that her power and influence suddenly diminished with no upper echelon support to back her up.

          Last i heard Ann moved in with her female compadre and they're happy in a lesbian relationship.

          This particular incident also coincides with my 5 year anniversary with the company. One which I hear later means you get a 5 year badge and about £50 worth of shopping vouchers, and a thank you letter. Well I got the badge - in a brown paper envelope about 3" x 5". No vouchers - I think they robably went into the purse of a certain supervisor, who knew what the letter was about.

          Would you like to know more?


          • #35
            more stories. I love stories.
            "You gotta look like Rico Suave, Think like Einstein and, only if that fails...fight like Tyson." -Dougo83's FTO

            Me- "Should we call the police?" My FTO- "Justin, here, we are the police. Go get em."

            Originally posted by Black Caesar
            some people just need killin!!!!! (Or Tasing, or pepper spraying or whatever).


            • #36
              I have a million stories since I have worked with some real fools over the years. One guy in particular stands out though.

              This guy had been with the contract company for quite awhile and was famous for wrecking cars. After totalling 3 patrol vehicles they finally took him off the road and put him on a stationary post. Well, he was a big drinker and showed up blitzed for work one night. Part of his job was to monitor alarms and it just so happened that there was a burglary that night where a bunch of electronics were taken. The alarms came in fast and furious over the screen but since he was passed out on the floor, the cops were never called.

              He was sent to another post after that at an office building. He would relieve the guard in uniform at 2300 and as soon as the other guard left, he would throw a jacket over his uniform shirt and head to a neighborhood watering hole to booze it up until closing time.

              Back when he was on patrol, he felt he got stiffed when he didn't get the raise as he felt he deserved so here is how he got back at them. The two full time patrol drivers worked Sunday through Thursday overnights. There were two fully marked patrol vehicles that were kept at the client site.

              What this guy did once he got stiffed is he would drive his personal vehicle into work on Sunday night for the start of his work week. His personal vehicle would then sit in the client's lot until Friday morning at 0700 when his week was done. He would use the fully marked company car all week long as his personal vehicle, running errands all over town. He figured by putting the miles on the company car and using their gas all week, he was getting repaid for his poor raise.

              They funny thing is that the last I heard he still worked there.


              • #37
                three letters: WHY?
                sigpicMy ideal security vehicle and uniforms:


                • #38
                  Originally posted by Ron Jessee View Post
                  three letters: WHY?
                  If you are referring to the above, its like George on Steinfield when he always left his broken down car at work. The boss always thought he was working free OT.

                  Some people will always come to work but never really work when they are there. Others specify when they can work and get the same amount of hours as someone who will work any schedule around the clock.

                  I've quit trying to figure out why people get away with what they do, but evidently it has to do with perceptions of job market supply and demand. And maybe one day, they will not work as planned. I'm just happy to survive, glad I got a good boss, and try to concentrate on things within my world I can easier change.


                  • #39
                    Insane Stinky

                    Insane Stinky

                    Ok...story number two of the most ridiculous security co-workers.

                    It pains me to actually admit that i have worked with guy before...and this is the quality officer with whom most "natives" will think ALL security officers are like.

                    Ok here goes... At a different site to the one i mentioned in the previous post about Nepotist Branch Managers With Lesbian Daughters (and its also my current site) I had started a shift knowing full well that the second man's shift had to be covered by an extra officer. I had been informed by the Mobile supervisor that the extra man would a guy called... lets say um...Willy. All well and good so far.

                    A Jaguar pulls around the corner with a bearded fellow driving, with one of our uniforms on. He quite civily waves and stops at the gatehouse, i go to the window and notice that this guy although fully bearded looks a little scruffy... creased shirt, straggley hair. He says...well he mumbles... "Second guard laddy where can I park?" I tell him where and eventually he comes into the guardhouse.. Although i think the smell of his BO opened the door for him.

                    Needless to say he hasn't mad a good first impression.

                    It doesn't take me long to realise that.. This. Guy. Is. Insane.

                    My evidence? Well I'll tell ya.

                    Case #1
                    His tea.
                    When this guy makes a cup of tea, he doesn't just leave the teabag in his cup for a minute. He brews his tea for about 40 minutes. He stirs his cup during this time, maybe once every five minutes. When he does stir his cup, he does so vigourously for about 10-20 seconds so the spoon constantly chinks around inside the cup. And when he takes the spoon out he taps it on the rim three times....every time.

                    Case #2
                    He smells, he's unkempt, but to cap it all off he seems to have a false sense of his own personal hygiene. He didn't use my gatehouse cutlery or plates (even when i offered them to him for his use), as he said there were dirty - I took this a little personally, as I think our gatehouse cutlery and plates were clean, as I clean them before and after use.

                    Case #3
                    His sandwiches.
                    We all like a sandwich at work, but after seeing the whole Willy sandwich creation technique, it put me off my own meal.
                    He proceeded to get half a loaf of bread out of his bag, and a tub of butter. Using a penknife he spread butter onto the bread, this slice of bread was placed on top of his cup - followed by another slice, and another. i said to him, that his bread will get soggy on top of his cup and that there were plates in the cupboard under the kitchen sink. But he said, "no laddy, they're dirty, I'm ok!" Once again i'm a little offended as i know the plates ARE clean, so i continue to watch this spectacle unfold through the reflection in the window. Once he has completed about 8 slices of bread he retrieves atin or pilchards from his bag, which judging by the smell, where probably off or nearly off. Using his penknife he constructed 8 pilchard sandwiches placing his sandwiches on the bread bag that he's emptied of bread. I nearly burst out laughing when he takes the last sandwich made (the one directly above his cup) takes a bite and nearly spits it out, and loudly exclaims "bleurgh there must be something wrong, this sandwich is soaking wet. I nearly fell off my chair trying to keep my laugh in.

                    Case #4
                    His penknife.
                    This rusted piece of worthless metal was used not only to spread his butter on bread, and cut his pilchards but also to clean under his nails and take stones out of the grips in his boots. this is the same fellow who wouldn't use plates from my gatehouse as they were "dirty".

                    Case #5
                    Talks to himself.
                    I don't mean the odd word, or self reminder. Full on talking to himself. He's be sitting there, I'd be readin the paper..then he'd say. "aye Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...aye!" i'd ask something like "whats that Willy?" he'd reply "Oh nothing laddy, I never said anything!" To which i'd raise my eyebrows..."Okkkkaaaay!" and get back to reading. Shortly followed by another addition to the repertoire of something like "Aye, Frank likes his monday tuesday, wednesdays, i have to do the thursday. Aye 1979, he was a funny fella." etc etc. This goes on for most of night.

                    Case #6
                    Random ranting.
                    I ask him to do a patrol, he goes out. Comes back after the requested time. Sits down, I tell him..."Oh willy, your next patrol will be two hours later, for the same length of time" he'd reply, "Oh aye laddy" so i'd think oh ok...he's ok about that, communication has been made and he's understood, so i turn back to my paper or magazine. Peace ensues for about a minute then from behind me Willy would leap up, yelling out "Stand up, sit down, go out, 45 minutes, sit down, stand up...i don't know whether i'm coming or going!" whilst standing up and sitting several times in a row. This gets me worried...I ask him "Are you ok there Willy?" He'd have a little bit of a temper in his voice and replied "Aye laddy i'm alright, shouldn't i be?" so i point out that what he's just done and he gets a little more pissed off and DENIES it. When he did go on his next patrol I phone the mobile SO...and say i'm working with a mad man here... the Mobile says..."he's an aquired taste but he's harmless"...i nearly loose it... "Nearly harmless...this guys insane! what asylum did you dig him up from?" the mobile SO finds this amusing and doesn't realy provide a solution.

                    Case #7
                    Random Screaming
                    You'd just be sitting there...i admit doing the "nodding dog" or reading a newspaper or magazine and from nowhere Willy would yell out a random "Warrrrrrgghhhhh oohhh arrrgghhhh!" This gets me everytime... I whip round and ask if he's allright...and i say he's yelled out...and HE DENIES IT.

                    Case #8
                    Random Laughing.
                    Like case number 7 really but he'd laugh for no reason...and deny this as well. The random laugh would often be accompanied by talking to himself, where he'd say a line from what was obviously a joke he'd heard maybe 20 years ago and laugh and chuckle to himself.

                    Case closed


                    • #40
                      Whats a "pilchard"?


                      • #41
                        Its a fish.

                        You get them in tins



                        • #42
                          Originally posted by geordiekimbo View Post
                          Its a fish.

                          You get them in tins

                          Similar to sardines?
                          " We are determined that before the sun sets on this terrible struggle, our flag will be recognized throughout the world as a symbol of freedom on one hand and of overwhelming force on the other" - General George C. Marshall


                          • #43
                            Same thing... jsut a regional / cultural naming difference.


                            • #44
                              This is one from my 1st ever f/time office job after leaving school. My super anal supervisor had been promoted and he was NOT liked by his former colleagues (demanded I called him Mr - yet section mgr asked to be called Mr only with exec mgt around). Anyway this bloke as a was as regular as a clock in motion as every morning at precisely 0805, it was dump time and 5 times a week at 1400 it was the "rubber band dental floss routine". Weekly, he had me read his hand written meeting minutes to him as he checked them against the typed pages (before office PC's) He would be slurping away as I had just come back from lunch and then you would hear a twang as he stretched the rubber band tighter to get in between the gaps.

                              This went on for 2 years and he was a mongrel as apart from all of this he would sit and watch you all the time - having the back of his chair straightened so he could be that few inches higher to see what I was doing. But the worst part was the weekly ear cleaning with the bent paper clip from his desk which only ever had 8 paper clips and anymore were given to me to place back in the boxes. Everything had his initials on in including 2 pens on his desk but no1 EVERY used a paper clip or rubber band off his desk for fear of WHAT disease you may catch from him.
                              Last edited by NRM_Oz; 10-28-2007, 06:18 PM.
                              "Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer" Sun Tzu


                              • #45
                                Security Officers who believe they are { Philadelphia Lawyers}..slang term for Guards
                                who interpit the Post Orders and Security Officer Handbook to their own interpatation,
                                and God forbid if you challange them on this. Officer was named Charles. Lord how I hated
                                this person.
                       Greatest Comedy team ever!