"Oh, I didn't know wet diapers and restraints were the new fashion for ages 18 to 40."

(drunk patient) "Get me some damn water!"
(throw towel over forearm) "Would that be Disani or Aquafina?"

(drunk patient) (screaming) "I can't breath!" (over and over again)
"I'm not a doctor but, doesn't air need to flow freely through your windpipe to make that sound?"

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