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  • DMS 525
    replied
    I never thought to write down all the doozies I've heard. One said his dog died.

    Better than the stinkers they think they can make you believe is catching them in their lies. They claim to be too sick to get out of bed, but you see them a couple of hours later at some bar, or stop beside them at a red light. Same when you see them driving that car they claimed wouldn't start(or was broke, etc.).

    One company I used to work for paid every other Friday. Boy, let me tell you, those Fridays were the worst times for sickness, car trouble, family emergencies, and so on.

    They hired this one clown who right from the start kept calling off at short notice. Talking to me finally, I kept asking him what the problem was. All he said, over and over again, "I just can't be there!" I finally told him I didn't think he had a good excuse, and if he wasn't dead, he'd damn well better be there! He didn't show. I had to cover his post. He was fired the next morning.

    Another one who really chapped my bacon. He worked a 4 to mid shift at an apartment complex for senior citizens. He was to pick up the keys at our office(about a 5 miniute drive from his post), and then bring them back in at the end of his shift.
    Since I worked both the 4 to mid shift, and mid to 8(I was the "floater" supervisor), I began to notice a strange pattern that he didn't show up at the office until after 1 A.M. to turn in the keys- and in civvies! Asked him what the deal was with that; he said he had a couple of things to do first. I told him those keys had to be in right away after he went off duty.
    So one night when I was working the 4 to mid shift, I decided to pay him a suprise post inspection at 2330. Just in time to catch him driving out, wearing those damned civvies! Asked him what he thought he was doing; he said he had an emergency to get to. I told him he still needed to call in first, being that his shift was not over yet. Oh, but he had to get going; it was of upmost importance!! I said, oh, such an emergency, but he still had time to change into his civvies? He played dumb with that remark. I then asked him for the keys, which he gave me, whereupon I very professionally told him to GET LOST! I go into the post; just what I thought. He had his log filled out up to midnight.
    He really got canned the next morning!

    However, the two best ones for being late(legit reasons) were from one of my fellow supervisors; the one who worked the regular mid to 8 shift(Guards called him "Captain Midnight").

    One time was when, just as he was getting ready to go, and was already running late, he had his only clean pair of uniform pants hanging over a chair as he was getting dressed. Stupid tomcat decided that was a good place to mark his territory, and "sprayed" all over his clean pants!!
    Another night, he was hurrying out of his house, and didn't see a toy one of his kids left in the yard. He tripped over it, and went sliding face first down a soping front yard, muddy at that. He had to go get changed and cleaned up. I didn't mind covering for him, although I couldn't resist ribbing him for that.

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  • Arrowslinger
    replied
    Originally posted by N. A. Corbier
    "... Thirty minutes? You better be bringing us all chickens. Whole rotisserie chickens. Move your ass."
    LMAO!! To darn funny

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  • N. A. Corbier
    replied
    "... Thirty minutes? You better be bringing us all chickens. Whole rotisserie chickens. Move your ass."

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  • dla4122
    replied
    Originally posted by Cpt.Xtreme
    He did not call off, but had a really dumb excuse for being late.

    "mmm yeah, hi sarge......im over here at jewell (grocery store 5 minutes away) ...and uh im gonna be about a half hour late"

    Me: "Yeah, car trouble??"

    Him: "Na im at the deli and cant decide what i want for lunch tonight?"

    WTF???
    LMAO!!!!! Ok, I would have whipped him when he did show up for work.

    Leave a comment:


  • Arrowslinger
    replied
    He did not call off, but had a really dumb excuse for being late.

    "mmm yeah, hi sarge......im over here at jewell (grocery store 5 minutes away) ...and uh im gonna be about a half hour late"

    Me: "Yeah, car trouble??"

    Him: "Na im at the deli and cant decide what i want for lunch tonight?"

    WTF???

    Leave a comment:


  • boes1970
    replied
    The guard was guarded????

    One of my officers didn't show up. So I called him and got answered by his voicemail. So I left a bit angry message.

    Within a hour my chief called. The officer was arrested. He was cought with stolen goods in his home trying to sell them................to a policeofficer!!!!!!

    Leave a comment:


  • aka Bull
    replied
    Originally posted by dla4122
    That is Classic, I like that! May I use that?
    Be my guest. Happy quoting!

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  • dla4122
    replied
    Originally posted by aka Bull
    I had an officer who'd been working the account for several months no call/no show for duty. The next day when he reported for duty I asked him why he didn't call in. His answer, "I forgot the phone number."

    My response was, "well no problem, I forgot to hold your job for you."
    That is Classic, I like that! May I use that?

    Leave a comment:


  • aka Bull
    replied
    I had an officer who'd been working the account for several months no call/no show for duty. The next day when he reported for duty I asked him why he didn't call in. His answer, "I forgot the phone number."

    My response was, "well no problem, I forgot to hold your job for you."

    Leave a comment:


  • 1stWatch
    replied
    I had more than one refuse to come in because they claimed their posts were haunted.

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  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Originally posted by N. A. Corbier
    I see. We'll deduct the cost of the uniform shirt and patches, fourty nine dollars, from your next pay check. Now, put on your other uniform shirt, and we'll expect you in shortly.
    The WBS company I was working for at the time only issued you one shirt and one pair of pants. I made the guy bring in his shirt to prove his story was true, and it was.

    I have no idea if the owner charged him for the cost of the shirt, but he probably did. The owner was a cheap SOB.

    Leave a comment:


  • N. A. Corbier
    replied
    Originally posted by histfan71
    My dog gave birth to her puppies on my uniform shirt.
    I see. We'll deduct the cost of the uniform shirt and patches, fourty nine dollars, from your next pay check. Now, put on your other uniform shirt, and we'll expect you in shortly.

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest
    Guest replied
    My dog gave birth to her puppies on my uniform shirt.

    Leave a comment:


  • HotelSecurity
    replied
    My goldfish died & I'm in mourning?

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  • dla4122
    replied
    Originally posted by darrell
    The funniest one was that "I can't come in because my wife has been jumping my bones all day and I'm too sore to walk."
    Hey at least he was honest, LMAO!

    Leave a comment:

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