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What are the funniest thing you ever witnessed

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  • rrruuunnn
    replied
    i drove to a restaurant to check a problem with one of our cameras at 3:00 am. i hear noise inside and call the cops. 6 cops show up and waits outside for this guy. we hear loud banging noise inside. one cop looks impatient. another cop slowly walks to me and asks if i am sure that it's not an employee. i told him i'm sure. and that the bg is banging on the safe. a cop at the front window waves at the guy. 2 cops at the back door tackled him as he went out the back door.

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  • secguy
    replied
    animal species help with guarding against the bg

    This is not funny but might be amusing to some.

    A few months back I was work an over-nighter at the guard shack.
    It was 0400 when the Human Resources person for the client showed up.
    I asked why the special visit. She only said she was "checking on things".
    Wondering what her motivation was for the visit I asked a few employees
    for their opinions. They said the remains of small dead animals and birds were
    found on the property.

    As it turns out a land developer had been clearing the adjacent property and
    here is a list of the species that showed up on our property:
    a) a family of Florida panthers (mom, pop & little ones);
    a trapper eventually got rid of them
    b) alligators
    c) possoms
    d) raccoons
    e) more snakes than normal
    f) and last of all a goat

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  • N. A. Corbier
    replied
    You just won a prize for disturbing me.

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  • EVILjbf
    replied
    This isn't very funny, but I was redirected here.

    I caught a man masturbating with his own feces after having written his name on the wall with said feces.

    Funniest?I came upon a guy parked illegally in a fire lane facing the wrong direction. So I came up to his window and knocked on it. He looks at me like "what"

    I told him, "sir, you can't park here. This is a tow away fire lane and you're parked on the wrong side of the road."

    without hesitation he says ""**** you, where does it say I can't park here?"

    I pointed through his driver side window at the no parking sign he was next to.

    He said "oh, sorry." and drove off.

    Leave a comment:


  • NRM_Oz
    replied
    A few years ago, I was working back due to a billion pieces of evidence I had to catalogue so was using the board room of a retailer I worked for to spread out the evidence into sub categories. I open the door as it was warm inside with no A/C when I spotted a female sales manager and a male worker going for it on the display beds. CCTV was recording and I was unsure how to alert them so began to cough and slammed the door getting a sudden halt. Scampering for clothes, I gave them time to dress and approached them asking who the male was. Personally I was pushing for a termination but the SM was gutless and asked to see the CCTV footage which is against policy. The girl did resign and she married the same bloke as I did get invited to her wedding which between us was a little secret.

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  • CAPTAIN KOOLAID
    replied
    What are the funniest thing you ever witnessed

    Where to start. I was working at D.H Homes parking lot in the French Quater New Orleans la. I was site supervisor we had two patrol officers they walked the floors. While I sat with cashier in the officer , but I was able to sterch my legs 15 mins of every hour. So I was walking down the lanes of parked car when I saw something out corner my eye I saw something like someone mouting a horse In the middle of black SUV. I radio the two patrol officer to go to my car and get my spare flash lights and 10-19 (return to or go to) to the 3rd floor south end. Once they got there I told them we going sneak up on the suv when I keyed up my mic it was signal to flood car with light. We stuck up on sides and back of the SUV I keyed the mic . It's was like fliping the switch in roach filled apts the topless female subject dove to front seat while the male subject trying get his pants up and zips . In doing so I get a ass print on the side glass window. Then he zipped his gear up in zipper and let out a loud scream. It was to funny So I read them riot act about how we have apts tenants and hotels guest that may have kids and there 50 hotel in the area. I let them off with warning I copy they ids for my files and told them if every see them in here pulling this kinda stuff again they go jail . I then had page my boss let him know what happen we had those text beeper back in the day. So I called the service and this little sweet innocent sounding thing with deep south draw anwers the phone i'm spining my wheels how tell this lady what we came across. after afew sec it came to me and said we had two subject one male one female having adult relations in back of there suv she repiled with you caught them ****ing! sorry use of a bad words
    Last edited by CAPTAIN KOOLAID; 02-12-2008, 01:49 AM. Reason: misspelling

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  • Ewfr 'Gomulee
    replied
    I couldn't post information on names, dates... even if I wanted to... I'd be breaking the law... over here anyways.

    Anyhow... the funniest thing I saw was in a Super Market called WaitRose, which was right next door to the shop I was guarding.
    I'd gone into WaitRose to talk to their guard and to follow suspected shoplifters around with him and relay radio chatter to the other guards in the area.

    Basically the theives noticed me from being ''the guy in the other shop'' and did a runna... we were about to give chase when both of the suspects actually managed to trip over on a slippery surface that had just been cleaned of cooking oil.

    The looks on their faces as they realised they were falling was a real classic I can tell you.

    I wasn't allowed to arrest them because I was not a licenced guard so I have to supervise the arrests and take notes and keep people away.

    The Police turned up and told us we'd done well and that these two kids had been spotted on the other side of town looking a little bit suspicious in another shopping store and that they'd been spotted in various locations all over the town. (These kids got around)

    Well me and my fellow guard were dead chuffed with ourselves.

    I guess the funny part in this story is the very moment when the first kid slipped and took out his buddy and they fell.

    Oh how they cried.

    Leave a comment:


  • Don of the Dead
    replied
    Originally posted by bpdblue View Post
    I once had a guy try to explain his wife's shoplifting by telling me it was her, "time of the month," and that I should understand how crazy women get.

    It was so stupid that I laughed so hard. That, in turn, caused the shoplifter and her husband to BOTH start crying. Well, I didn't want to get into trouble for abusing them with my laughing, so I let her go with a warning.

    My favorite excuse of all time was a kid who did a shoe switch, after a small chase and handcuffing he tells me a story how a man in a ski mask kocked on his door the night before, forced his way into the house, put the gun to his head and said "You are going to steal me a pair of shoes from Marshalls tomorrow, or I'll come back here and kill you and your whole family"
    So I asked if he had been chosen due to his foot size by this "madman" and he said "yes"
    So I asked him if I was to believe that a man commited several felonies to get this kid to commit a misdemeanor for him. he said "yep"

    After re-telling the harrowing story to his step dad he got a slap upside the head.

    Leave a comment:


  • Don of the Dead
    replied
    When I worked for Marshalls we had a drunk wander in with a Marshal-Fields bag, and he proceeded to fill it with 3 $200 Leather coats, he turned to walk away and felt something bump him in the back. It was the sales rack, in his intoxicated state he failed to notice they were attatched via security cable. So he tried tugging and tugging and this didn't work. So he called over an employee to "unlock a few so I can look at them" Seeing as Mall security, myself and the TJ Maxx LP from across the way were waiting for him up stairs (Basement mall Marshalls) she had my permission to unlock them. He then tucked the security cables into the bag and exited, only to be brought back down by us 15 seconds later.

    Leave a comment:


  • Aussie-SO
    replied
    We open our center up in stages, 0530 Area 1 is opened up as the supermarkets fire up at 0600.

    On a Sunday Area 2 is not opened until 0900, I had just opened up the shutters allowing people access into Area 2 and was proceeding to open the auto doors when I noted a man riding his bike through the center.

    I asked him to get off his bike and walk it, his response was "yeah mate" and he continued to ride on knowing I was not going to be able to catch up to him. At this point there were a small number of customers who bore witness to what occurred next.

    You see I had no need to catch up to him, I casually continued on watching him as he approached an auto door I had yet to unlock and came to an abrupt halt.

    He turned and looked at me and I waved my keys at him the small crowd who had witnessed the initial exchange between myself and this bloke burst out laughing.

    I turned and started walking away, this annoyed him and he stated as much whilst "telling" me to open the door.

    I advised him to get off his bike and follow me, we proceeded right back to Area 1 and the door he had first entered the center in. I then told him to try again but this time he was to "WALK THE DAMN BIKE!"

    He wasn't about to be belittled in such a manner and hopped on his bike cursing me and my heritage as he left the center for the long trip around its boundaries.

    Leave a comment:


  • NRM_Oz
    replied
    Trolley or cart management is a major issue and 1 retailer I worked with as an investigator would have semi- trailer deliveries of 500+ every night of thoses for repairs and those for replacement. Again, without these simple tools, customers will walk away or buy less than expected. From last report, they cost over $1k US and the local councils will impound them and inpose around a 10% fine (not exactly sure on this). So this can add up to be very expensive when you consider 10 of these fines a week is far more than paying for someone to drive around the streets locating them.

    Leave a comment:


  • Curtis Baillie
    replied
    Most grocery concerns who are buying these carts are do so as it costs dollars to scour the neighborhoods to retrieve them. Many end up in streams, rivers and drainage canals. Add the fact that some municipalities are fining retailers for not doing a good enough job on cart retrieval - it is more cost effective, in the long run, to purchase these kind of systems.

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  • Mr. Security
    replied
    Originally posted by Curtis Baillie View Post
    The shopping cart you describle is catching on in the grocery industry.
    That's a great idea.

    Leave a comment:


  • NRM_Oz
    replied
    Meeting with the Ops Manager for a small office furniture chain, he showed me CCTV images of a Bonny and Clyde team who hit them for 10 inkjet printers with a GNR in a trolley (cart). He then said "watch this" as another shot shows Bonny returning the trolley back into the store for her $2.00 coin refund deposit.

    In a high risk store after previous GNR's I filled the 3 display box DVR's with scrap parts and old VCR units. 1 GNR idiot ran off with JUNK and I flew interstate overnight to get witness statements the next morning. 2 hours into trade, Mr S/L walks in with friend in tow asking for an exchange. Police are called as I identify them via CCTV (same cap / jacket each) and tattoos and through chatting to them, I obtain full names and addresses (in their writing) when I apologise for their troubles. There was initial shock that they were so dumb as I heard they were both on bail for something else.
    Last edited by NRM_Oz; 02-05-2008, 06:52 PM.

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  • Curtis Baillie
    replied
    The shopping cart you describle is catching on in the grocery industry.

    Leave a comment:

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