What are the funniest thing you ever witnessed

[Ewfr 'Gomulee]

I couldn't post information on names, dates... even if I wanted to... I'd be breaking the law... over here anyways.

Anyhow... the funniest thing I saw was in a Super Market called WaitRose, which was right next door to the shop I was guarding.
I'd gone into WaitRose to talk to their guard and to follow suspected shoplifters around with him and relay radio chatter to the other guards in the area.

Basically the theives noticed me from being ''the guy in the other shop'' and did a runna... we were about to give chase when both of the suspects actually managed to trip over on a slippery surface that had just been cleaned of cooking oil.

The looks on their faces as they realised they were falling was a real classic I can tell you.

I wasn't allowed to arrest them because I was not a licenced guard so I have to supervise the arrests and take notes and keep people away.

The Police turned up and told us we'd done well and that these two kids had been spotted on the other side of town looking a little bit suspicious in another shopping store and that they'd been spotted in various locations all over the town. (These kids got around)

Well me and my fellow guard were dead chuffed with ourselves.

I guess the funny part in this story is the very moment when the first kid slipped and took out his buddy and they fell.

Oh how they cried.

[CAPTAIN KOOLAID]

What are the funniest thing you ever witnessed

Where to start. I was working at D.H Homes parking lot in the French Quater New Orleans la. I was site supervisor we had two patrol officers they walked the floors. While I sat with cashier in the officer , but I was able to sterch my legs 15 mins of every hour. So I was walking down the lanes of parked car when I saw something out corner my eye I saw something like someone mouting a horse In the middle of black SUV. I radio the two patrol officer to go to my car and get my spare flash lights and 10-19 (return to or go to) to the 3rd floor south end. Once they got there I told them we going sneak up on the suv when I keyed up my mic it was signal to flood car with light. We stuck up on sides and back of the SUV I keyed the mic . It's was like fliping the switch in roach filled apts the topless female subject dove to front seat while the male subject trying get his pants up and zips . In doing so I get a ass print on the side glass window. Then he zipped his gear up in zipper and let out a loud scream. It was to funny So I read them riot act about how we have apts tenants and hotels guest that may have kids and there 50 hotel in the area. I let them off with warning I copy they ids for my files and told them if every see them in here pulling this kinda stuff again they go jail . I then had page my boss let him know what happen we had those text beeper back in the day. So I called the service and this little sweet innocent sounding thing with deep south draw anwers the phone i'm spining my wheels how tell this lady what we came across. after afew sec it came to me and said we had two subject one male one female having adult relations in back of there suv she repiled with you caught them ****ing! sorry use of a bad words

[NRM_Oz]

A few years ago, I was working back due to a billion pieces of evidence I had to catalogue so was using the board room of a retailer I worked for to spread out the evidence into sub categories. I open the door as it was warm inside with no A/C when I spotted a female sales manager and a male worker going for it on the display beds. CCTV was recording and I was unsure how to alert them so began to cough and slammed the door getting a sudden halt. Scampering for clothes, I gave them time to dress and approached them asking who the male was. Personally I was pushing for a termination but the SM was gutless and asked to see the CCTV footage which is against policy. The girl did resign and she married the same bloke as I did get invited to her wedding which between us was a little secret.

[EVILjbf]

This isn't very funny, but I was redirected here.

I caught a man masturbating with his own feces after having written his name on the wall with said feces.

Funniest?I came upon a guy parked illegally in a fire lane facing the wrong direction. So I came up to his window and knocked on it. He looks at me like "what"

I told him, "sir, you can't park here. This is a tow away fire lane and you're parked on the wrong side of the road."

without hesitation he says ""**** you, where does it say I can't park here?"

I pointed through his driver side window at the no parking sign he was next to.

He said "oh, sorry." and drove off.

[N. A. Corbier]

You just won a prize for disturbing me.

[secguy]

animal species help with guarding against the bg

This is not funny but might be amusing to some.

A few months back I was work an over-nighter at the guard shack.
It was 0400 when the Human Resources person for the client showed up.
I asked why the special visit. She only said she was "checking on things".
Wondering what her motivation was for the visit I asked a few employees
for their opinions. They said the remains of small dead animals and birds were
found on the property.

As it turns out a land developer had been clearing the adjacent property and
here is a list of the species that showed up on our property:
a) a family of Florida panthers (mom, pop & little ones);
a trapper eventually got rid of them
b) alligators
c) possoms
d) raccoons
e) more snakes than normal
f) and last of all a goat

[rrruuunnn]

i drove to a restaurant to check a problem with one of our cameras at 3:00 am. i hear noise inside and call the cops. 6 cops show up and waits outside for this guy. we hear loud banging noise inside. one cop looks impatient. another cop slowly walks to me and asks if i am sure that it's not an employee. i told him i'm sure. and that the bg is banging on the safe. a cop at the front window waves at the guy. 2 cops at the back door tackled him as he went out the back door.