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What are the funniest thing you ever witnessed

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  • irisheyes
    replied
    There was one time when I had arrested a female for the theft of some CD's.
    this lady threw herself on to the ground and started to take a fit. She was rolling around shaking etc and claimed to be epileptic but as soon as her cell phone rang, she answered hello and spoke in anormal manner to her friend on her phone for a minute but as soon as the conversation had ended on the cell phone this lady continued her "fit" until the police arrived. I stood by and let herself tire out. It was kinda funny.

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  • 1stWatch
    replied
    One time at a mall I worked at there was this one weird kid who would walk around all the time wearing black shorts, knee level boots, a goth rock shirt, and a trench coat and wore a pentagram necklace and a Jewish skull cap on his shaved head. He had some bad emotional problems and we had to deal with his issues on numerous occasions. One time we found him crying and beaten up. He claimed somebody had beaten him and his friend up just then while they were smoking pot and robbed them for marijuana. He actually wanted to make a robbery report with the police and told them the same thing.

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  • dla4122
    replied
    Not Security Enforcement, but ya'll might find this funny

    I was running shift when I get a call from "A"-Gate that my officer had an offender detained and he needed a supervisor. I get to the area and my officer tells me he has an offender refusing to be searched. Well I inform the offender he will submit to a search, as it is policy or force may be used. He begins to argue then all of a sudden I see that he starts rubbing his lower area and getting agitated. He finally comes out of his clothes and he had a bag of jalepenos in his pants. The juice had seeped out all over his lower region.
    Never had to use force, offender used chemical agents on himself
    he was sent to medical and received a disciplinary for theft from the kitchen. Never had him steal anything since.

    Leave a comment:


  • robvancamp
    replied
    N.a....

    This doesn't count towards funniest thing, because it wasn't that funny, but, here goes.

    You're wrong - that is funny!

    Leave a comment:


  • N. A. Corbier
    replied
    Living in Florida, I quickly learned that the elderly can be some of your most dangerous suspects.

    This doesn't count towards funniest thing, because it wasn't that funny, but, here goes.

    I was patrolling a condo complex. It was a "drive the golf cart till it dies because maintenance won't charge it, walk around, then get in your car and drive it around." Yes, that was in the unofficial official post orders. Drive your car.

    I make a walking pass. This condo was owned by the Chicago Police Officer's Benevolence Assocation. Yep, a retired CPD park in Florida. We had many, many retired LEOs, all of them over 60, and all of them clueless in Florida Law.

    I knew one of the guys named Gavin. He was CPD, a nice guy, retired as a detective. Unfortunately, he hit his head when he fell on his wife's had to have tile floor, and was never the same again.

    Another officer comes on site in a large, white, Ford F-250. We ride around a bit, it was common for one officer to give "extended coverage" on posts if they had to take care of duty or personal related things. I.e.: Food delivery, talking, or seeing me about how to write a report.

    After the second pass, Gavin's wife comes out. She has, and this was not good, a loaded .38 caliber revolver in her hand. She starts yelling, we stop, throw the doors open, identify ourselves, and draw down on her.

    Several of the other residents look out, see us in a big truck pointing guns at a woman with a gun, and call 911.

    The police arrive, take her into custody, and Gavin is by now awake. He comes out, finds us talking to the cops, his wife in handcuffs, and grabs his shield and is like, "Hey, Nate, what's going on?"

    "Gavin, you need to talk to the cops, they're going to take your wife to jail for aggarivated assualt. That's assualt with a weapon."

    The police were adamant about taking her, even after Gavin requested PC. They were pissed off because she wouldn't drop her gun even after they showed up!

    Eventually, a sergeant arrived, and Gavin, myself, and the other officer asked the sergeant if it can either be dropped with a stern talking to, or ROR her. He chose the ROR route. For "brandishing," not ag. assualt, because conviently forgot where the muzzle was.

    Many would ask, "Why didn't you lock the dumb hag up?" And I always answer, "Because the dumb broad's cop husband put his gun and badge in a lock box and never gave her the combo after that."

    That's the only time I've given PC to a cop. It wasn't because he was a cop, it was because he was an elderly man who I was friends with, and was a good guy, and his wife (the stupid obessive woman she was), didn't need to go to jail that night. I guarantee you, PC wasn't even on the minds of the Largo Police Department.

    They hated responding there, because they'd argue law with the retired Canadian and Chicago folks..

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  • Defensive tactics
    replied
    Just happened last night actually

    I was about mid way through my LPO shift and I see this older lady (as in 80) eat 7 peanuts I am like you have got to be freaken kidding me, So I follow her to the cash she pays for all her other items except the peanuts, I go outside and wait for her, she steps out I identify my self as store security, she totally ignored me and keeps walking (I am like no way you are going to make me chase you) so I catch up to her and again identify myself as store security she pushes me away with one arm and keeps walking (by this time I had about reached the limits of my patience) so I boxed her in (no contact just body positioning) and once again identified myself as store security, finally she complied and was told to leave property, but Never in a million years would I have imagined an elderly suspect trying to run from me. I thought it to be pretty funny at the time.

    stay safe

    Leave a comment:


  • robvancamp
    replied
    Two for ya...

    Pre-Security days: I was working nightshift shipping at a large baking company. As usual I had parked my car inside as it was not a good neighborhood. About an hour after I started working, a guy walks up to me and asks me the way out. I pointed to the door and told him how to get out. He came back a minute later, and asked me again. I took him to the door myself, and opened it for him. I had noticed he had some items in his hand, but I didn't think much of it, him being the homeless type and all. 7am the next morning I discovered it was my car stereo and speakers he had had in his hand - AND I LET HIM OUT!!!

    Security: We had had a garbage truck come onto the property, the kind that empty dumpsters. We have only one roadway around the property, and you have to pass under several buildings to drive around the property. His forks had been too high, and he ripped out the sprinkler system under the first building. He waited for his supervisor to arrive, and when the supervisor got there, he noticed the height clearance was 13 feet.

    "Is that clearance right?' he asked me
    "Yes," I replied
    "You sure?" He asked.
    "Actually, it's more than thirteen feet," I replied.
    He looked at the sprinkler system, and said to me "It looks like someone has put new piping in there recently. I think this may be on you guys."
    "It is new piping," I responded, then, pointing at the driver I said "We just replaced it because he ripped it out last month!"

    The supervisor didn't want to talk to me after that, and the damge was paid for within a week!

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  • HotelSecurity
    replied
    I've had 2 stark naked prostitutes! It seems the escort agencies have advised them if they get into trouble to run out into the hallway & start yelling. Someone will call security. They do!

    Leave a comment:


  • ACP01
    replied
    Very confused and mixed up girl

    A few weeks ago a woman in her mid 20s came up saying she needed PD as she haqd been assaulted.
    I called 911 and an officer responded. The officer asked me to standby as back-up while he questioned the girl.

    Turns out she was thrown out of a crack house. (WHAT do you have to do to be thrown out of one of those?!?) Besides that she thought she was in a town about 40 miles away and was trying to get back to this town.

    Anyway I heard from the PD that after she had made bail (Pick a charge), she stole a pick-up truck to "go home". She wrecked about 5 miles away.

    Leave a comment:


  • Big Bulldog
    replied
    Wearing them perhaps????

    Seen it all. Nothing surprises me anymore.

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  • ozsecuritychic
    replied
    [QUOTE=Big Bulldog]Not so funny but really strange:


    3) the old guy who liked to sniff the wall of lady's undergarments.

    there is a guy that goes into bras n things and buys womens underwear then brings it back in a couple of days to exchange them for others for some reason he thinks its a library but even stranger they were giving him a refund and throwing the stuff that he took back out.

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest
    Guest replied
    some punk took the sticky magnetic strips off merchandise in the dressing room. the punk left and made the alarm sound. He didn't stop so I tackled him. Could not find any of the strips on him.

    Then I looked at the dumbass' shoes, he stepped on them, and they stuck to the bottom of his shoes, he got a bitch slap just for that one.

    Leave a comment:


  • bigdog
    replied
    The responding officer didnt challenge your right to detain?

    Leave a comment:


  • N. A. Corbier
    replied
    For awhile, we were doing narcotics suppression operations on a property. The usual lockdown, challenge everyone, etc. The police anti-drug unit had us on cell phone, and kept an unmarked jump-out car in the area to keep an eye on the crack house next door.

    One night, we notice a woman sitting on the steps in one of the apartment buildings. It was about 1:30 in the morning, and the gates were locked at 12:00 AM. You basically needed to either see us, or have an vehicle entry card to get in or out.

    My partner goes up towards her, I'm behind her in the middle of the court. All of a sudden I hear on the radio, "She's running." We had Motorola MTX radios limited to talkabout mode, so no one else was on the radio but us unless TPD dropped down to talk to us.

    She runs across the courtyard, and behind the second row of buildings. I am already moving to cut her off, as the fencing and building prevented her from going left or right, Ofc. Greene prevented her from going backwards, and I was waiting for her as she came forward.

    I'm moving forward, and see the wonderful sight of a large african american woman running towards me, wearing a fishnet top and nothing else, money streaming from the mesh of her shirt, while she's digging into her pockets.

    She stops after being lit up with the flashlight, and the order "Get your hands up" is issued. She then started screaming, "Help! Police Brutality! These honkey cops are beatin me!"

    One of the adult residents sticks her head out the window, says hello to me by name, and asks me to shut that "damned crack dealing whore who the manager kicked out last month!"

    So, after taking her into custody (ugh, it was my job...) for night prowling and trespass after warning, we have to pick up all her money, and were looking for crack or whatever she was selling. Unfortunately, the large sum of wadded up twenties indicated she'd sold whatever it is she was selling in the unit.

    She was nice enough to tell us what unit she was visiting, and through targeted survelience, they were evicted shortly after for housing drug operations. Idiot woman was arrested for trespass after warning (The responding police officer didn't want to try for night prowling, since "the public" was not alarmed, only the security people.)

    Leave a comment:


  • Big Bulldog
    replied
    Not so funny but really strange:

    1) Baglady who stole a tampon and then threw her used one back on the shelf. We made her clean it up as there was no way we were touching it.

    2) Lady who stuffed a pair of baby booties up her....well....her....vagina. Female cop found them during a strip search and was none too happy.

    3) the old guy who liked to sniff the wall of lady's undergarments.

    4) the old lady who tried to escape on her scooter while my partner and I held the back wheels off the ground. She couldn't figure out why she wasn't moving until she looked back and saw us.

    Leave a comment:

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