What are the funniest thing you ever witnessed

[Bill Warnock]

I was the senior Security Police NCO on duty when the desk was notified of a brawl at an on base club. I requested a patrol dog team be brought to the club. When we got inside, I instructed the handler to have his K-9 talk to the crowd. The German Shepherd let out a series of loud barks and folks scattered. We saw three people attempt to sit in the same chair and numerous folks just sat down on the floor. The night manager was released from captivity of a utility closet. I asked for the senior person there to identify him or herself. I then asked that person to ask the crowd to leave the club. One young lady had her dress ripped off and was trying to cover her breasts with her hands. We put a tablecloth on her and left the club. The sight of three frightened people trying to sit in the same chair, barking K-9 teeth bared and hackles up still causes me to chuckle 30-plus years later.
Enjoy the day,
Bill

[NRM_Oz]

Bill, please tell me you have cctv of the 3 idiots trying to play musical chairs ? It is amazing how a 4 legged officer is never argued with by unruly people.

1 of my electronics stores was located in a high risk area near a pawnbroker. I visted the pawnbroker 1 day to introduce myself and to swap details. Having lunch near the store, he rings me to say he has a brand new DVD recorder being pawned with no manuals. I knew a non-working display model was stolen last month so rang the police (200 yds away). Inside we find a couple I know with the DVD Recorder who have more stuff in their unregistered car with 3 kids left alone, full of stolen stuff to hock. It was not the last time this happened with the same pawnbroker.

Outside our store, a well dressed girl offered me cheap aftershave. I asked her the brands and she said any brand at 25%. I felt uneasy and asked for 2 bottles of ________ as she walked into MY STORE as I radioed control to record her theft. Outside she is all smiles and I am too as I produce my ID and arrested her. She lost the smile soon after when another LPO appeared to assist me take her into my office.

[Bill Warnock]

NRM oz, we did not have CCTV 30-years ago. Command posts perhaps, not at clubs. If you close your eyes, you can see those three trying to sit in the same chair hoping and praying to God, the handler had complete control of the K-9.
You are right, four-footed radar can work wonders.
Enjoy the day,
Bill

[NRM_Oz]

Oh it does not matter Bill - but I can assure this would be a great war story to tell over the years. I think our police should have more K9 teams working the streets especially with NYE and those big events.

[souperdave]

I was out on the dock catchin' a smoke a few years back and saw a beauty of a 4-point buck wander out of the woods, across the parking lot, then into an open double-door leading into a maze of mall back hallways.....Mr. Buck found an open door into the mall proper whilst we were in hot pursuit, hit the nicely marbled mall floor at about 20+mph, straight across into GapKids....20 minutes, 4 cops, a smattering of firemen, LP and Mall Security AND a good bit of unscheduled remodeling later, the Buckmiester was in custody!

Released via the most expiditious route, Mr. B sprinted off......

...........unfortunately across the lots and onto the interstate.

[junkyarddog]

Funniest thing I ever witnessed was a pair of tennis shoes melted to the top of a massive 345KV transformer in a transmission substation. A would be thief cut the fence line, climbed the transformer and tried cutting a live 345 line ON the transformer. Not sure why it was so funny but it was hilarious to see those shoes melted to the spot he was standing when he got juiced.

[Piper_1]

I work for a 3rd party company so we're into all kinds of stores. I had caught a guy at a grocery store and was outside handing over my paperwork to the local cops when I saw another male fly out of the store with a cart full of groceries and store staff giving chase. The interesting thing about this store is that the carts will go as far as the property line and then the front wheels lock up. The cop looking a bit confused for a second realized what was happening and started to give chase. I stopped him 2 steps into his run so that he could fully appreciate what was about to happen. Sure enough, the guy gets to the property line and the cart locks up sending him skidding over the cart landing on the other side with an audible grunt. We were laughing so hard that it took a few moments to compose ourselves enough to approach and retrieve our stuff from the clearly shocked and slightly dazed male sitting on his ass. I've got many other funny stories, but that's for another day.
cheers

[Curtis Baillie]

The shopping cart you describle is catching on in the grocery industry.

[NRM_Oz]

Meeting with the Ops Manager for a small office furniture chain, he showed me CCTV images of a Bonny and Clyde team who hit them for 10 inkjet printers with a GNR in a trolley (cart). He then said "watch this" as another shot shows Bonny returning the trolley back into the store for her $2.00 coin refund deposit.

In a high risk store after previous GNR's I filled the 3 display box DVR's with scrap parts and old VCR units. 1 GNR idiot ran off with JUNK and I flew interstate overnight to get witness statements the next morning. 2 hours into trade, Mr S/L walks in with friend in tow asking for an exchange. Police are called as I identify them via CCTV (same cap / jacket each) and tattoos and through chatting to them, I obtain full names and addresses (in their writing) when I apologise for their troubles. There was initial shock that they were so dumb as I heard they were both on bail for something else.

[Mr. Security]

The shopping cart you describle is catching on in the grocery industry.

That's a great idea.

[Curtis Baillie]

Most grocery concerns who are buying these carts are do so as it costs dollars to scour the neighborhoods to retrieve them. Many end up in streams, rivers and drainage canals. Add the fact that some municipalities are fining retailers for not doing a good enough job on cart retrieval - it is more cost effective, in the long run, to purchase these kind of systems.

[NRM_Oz]

Trolley or cart management is a major issue and 1 retailer I worked with as an investigator would have semi- trailer deliveries of 500+ every night of thoses for repairs and those for replacement. Again, without these simple tools, customers will walk away or buy less than expected. From last report, they cost over $1k US and the local councils will impound them and inpose around a 10% fine (not exactly sure on this). So this can add up to be very expensive when you consider 10 of these fines a week is far more than paying for someone to drive around the streets locating them.

[Aussie-SO]

We open our center up in stages, 0530 Area 1 is opened up as the supermarkets fire up at 0600.

On a Sunday Area 2 is not opened until 0900, I had just opened up the shutters allowing people access into Area 2 and was proceeding to open the auto doors when I noted a man riding his bike through the center.

I asked him to get off his bike and walk it, his response was "yeah mate" and he continued to ride on knowing I was not going to be able to catch up to him. At this point there were a small number of customers who bore witness to what occurred next.

You see I had no need to catch up to him, I casually continued on watching him as he approached an auto door I had yet to unlock and came to an abrupt halt.

He turned and looked at me and I waved my keys at him the small crowd who had witnessed the initial exchange between myself and this bloke burst out laughing.

I turned and started walking away, this annoyed him and he stated as much whilst "telling" me to open the door.

I advised him to get off his bike and follow me, we proceeded right back to Area 1 and the door he had first entered the center in. I then told him to try again but this time he was to "WALK THE DAMN BIKE!"

He wasn't about to be belittled in such a manner and hopped on his bike cursing me and my heritage as he left the center for the long trip around its boundaries.

[Don of the Dead]

When I worked for Marshalls we had a drunk wander in with a Marshal-Fields bag, and he proceeded to fill it with 3 $200 Leather coats, he turned to walk away and felt something bump him in the back. It was the sales rack, in his intoxicated state he failed to notice they were attatched via security cable. So he tried tugging and tugging and this didn't work. So he called over an employee to "unlock a few so I can look at them" Seeing as Mall security, myself and the TJ Maxx LP from across the way were waiting for him up stairs (Basement mall Marshalls) she had my permission to unlock them. He then tucked the security cables into the bag and exited, only to be brought back down by us 15 seconds later.

[Don of the Dead]

I once had a guy try to explain his wife's shoplifting by telling me it was her, "time of the month," and that I should understand how crazy women get.

It was so stupid that I laughed so hard. That, in turn, caused the shoplifter and her husband to BOTH start crying. Well, I didn't want to get into trouble for abusing them with my laughing, so I let her go with a warning.

My favorite excuse of all time was a kid who did a shoe switch, after a small chase and handcuffing he tells me a story how a man in a ski mask kocked on his door the night before, forced his way into the house, put the gun to his head and said "You are going to steal me a pair of shoes from Marshalls tomorrow, or I'll come back here and kill you and your whole family"
So I asked if he had been chosen due to his foot size by this "madman" and he said "yes"
So I asked him if I was to believe that a man commited several felonies to get this kid to commit a misdemeanor for him. he said "yep"

After re-telling the harrowing story to his step dad he got a slap upside the head.