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What are the funniest thing you ever witnessed

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  • Piper_1
    replied
    I work for a 3rd party company so we're into all kinds of stores. I had caught a guy at a grocery store and was outside handing over my paperwork to the local cops when I saw another male fly out of the store with a cart full of groceries and store staff giving chase. The interesting thing about this store is that the carts will go as far as the property line and then the front wheels lock up. The cop looking a bit confused for a second realized what was happening and started to give chase. I stopped him 2 steps into his run so that he could fully appreciate what was about to happen. Sure enough, the guy gets to the property line and the cart locks up sending him skidding over the cart landing on the other side with an audible grunt. We were laughing so hard that it took a few moments to compose ourselves enough to approach and retrieve our stuff from the clearly shocked and slightly dazed male sitting on his ass. I've got many other funny stories, but that's for another day.
    cheers

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  • junkyarddog
    replied
    Funniest thing I ever witnessed was a pair of tennis shoes melted to the top of a massive 345KV transformer in a transmission substation. A would be thief cut the fence line, climbed the transformer and tried cutting a live 345 line ON the transformer. Not sure why it was so funny but it was hilarious to see those shoes melted to the spot he was standing when he got juiced.

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  • souperdave
    replied
    I was out on the dock catchin' a smoke a few years back and saw a beauty of a 4-point buck wander out of the woods, across the parking lot, then into an open double-door leading into a maze of mall back hallways.....Mr. Buck found an open door into the mall proper whilst we were in hot pursuit, hit the nicely marbled mall floor at about 20+mph, straight across into GapKids....20 minutes, 4 cops, a smattering of firemen, LP and Mall Security AND a good bit of unscheduled remodeling later, the Buckmiester was in custody!

    Released via the most expiditious route, Mr. B sprinted off......

    ...........unfortunately across the lots and onto the interstate.

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  • NRM_Oz
    replied
    Oh it does not matter Bill - but I can assure this would be a great war story to tell over the years. I think our police should have more K9 teams working the streets especially with NYE and those big events.

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  • Bill Warnock
    replied
    NRM oz, we did not have CCTV 30-years ago. Command posts perhaps, not at clubs. If you close your eyes, you can see those three trying to sit in the same chair hoping and praying to God, the handler had complete control of the K-9.
    You are right, four-footed radar can work wonders.
    Enjoy the day,
    Bill

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  • NRM_Oz
    replied
    Bill, please tell me you have cctv of the 3 idiots trying to play musical chairs ? It is amazing how a 4 legged officer is never argued with by unruly people.

    1 of my electronics stores was located in a high risk area near a pawnbroker. I visted the pawnbroker 1 day to introduce myself and to swap details. Having lunch near the store, he rings me to say he has a brand new DVD recorder being pawned with no manuals. I knew a non-working display model was stolen last month so rang the police (200 yds away). Inside we find a couple I know with the DVD Recorder who have more stuff in their unregistered car with 3 kids left alone, full of stolen stuff to hock. It was not the last time this happened with the same pawnbroker.

    Outside our store, a well dressed girl offered me cheap aftershave. I asked her the brands and she said any brand at 25%. I felt uneasy and asked for 2 bottles of ________ as she walked into MY STORE as I radioed control to record her theft. Outside she is all smiles and I am too as I produce my ID and arrested her. She lost the smile soon after when another LPO appeared to assist me take her into my office.

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  • Bill Warnock
    replied
    I was the senior Security Police NCO on duty when the desk was notified of a brawl at an on base club. I requested a patrol dog team be brought to the club. When we got inside, I instructed the handler to have his K-9 talk to the crowd. The German Shepherd let out a series of loud barks and folks scattered. We saw three people attempt to sit in the same chair and numerous folks just sat down on the floor. The night manager was released from captivity of a utility closet. I asked for the senior person there to identify him or herself. I then asked that person to ask the crowd to leave the club. One young lady had her dress ripped off and was trying to cover her breasts with her hands. We put a tablecloth on her and left the club. The sight of three frightened people trying to sit in the same chair, barking K-9 teeth bared and hackles up still causes me to chuckle 30-plus years later.
    Enjoy the day,
    Bill
    Last edited by Bill Warnock; 01-05-2008, 04:32 PM.

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  • bpdblue
    replied
    I once had a guy try to explain his wife's shoplifting by telling me it was her, "time of the month," and that I should understand how crazy women get.

    It was so stupid that I laughed so hard. That, in turn, caused the shoplifter and her husband to BOTH start crying. Well, I didn't want to get into trouble for abusing them with my laughing, so I let her go with a warning.

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  • NRM_Oz
    replied
    Worked a sick leave shift at for a small retailer at an old mall. Tossing rubbish into a bin, I noticed workers were working on the UP escalator but had switched them to let people use the other to go down. 10 minutes later, a man grabs an armful of cheap shirts with free ties and ran off to go down the escalator not knowing it was switched and people were coming off. I casually approached him and asked if he had a receipt for these 30 odd shirt / tie packs ?

    What about "WOO HOO Woman" who would come into the men's fragrances, spray under her arms and face and then lift up her skirt and go "WOO HOO" as she sprayed that part too.

    My colleague in the USA has a CCTV tape of an idiot with a beer box on his head who tried to rob a 7/11 and when he was not heard took the box off his head right under the CCTV and thought he was being smart when he put it back on again.

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  • LPAjh9558
    replied
    This happened one morning sometime after the opening LP had arrived to start letting associates in the store and it was still very dark outside. As he's scanning the perimeter of the store he observes a homeless guy standing by the boats just outside the exit doors. The LP sees him bend down to remove a plastic bag from his pant leg and then watches as the guy stuffs the bag down the back of his pants This homeless guy starts taking a DUMP right there in the bag The LP then watches as he removes the bag...and stuffs it in his sock and leaves

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  • Chadly
    replied
    I have a couple...

    1) I was the acting Supervisor on duty, and an Anchor LP agent calls over the radio stating there are people fighting in their lower Parking Lot. Myself and another Officer respond as well as others. Me and the Officer are first to arrive. Upon arrival we have about 5 females yelling and hitting each other. We start giving strong verbals to stop, and once additional units arrived began taking people into custody. I took one subject and pinned them up against the back of an SUV, and they turn at me and Say " Hey, Im a girl, let me go!" (Could've fooled me) Anyway she gets cuffed as well as most everyone else.

    Investigation showed that it was basically a Lesbian Love Triangle. with one female bringing two of her friends and the Ex-lover bringing two of her friends. Several of the girls got hefty fines for Disorderly Conduct ($800 range)

    2) I was on duty assigned to dispatch, when Housekeeping staff in the food court reported a Man with a Gun in the Mens Bathroom. So, I sent Officers and the Supervisor and alert the local police. Officers set up a perimeter on the bathroom and awaited for PD arrival. PD arrived and one officer brought in a Shotgun just in case. So, our supervisor advises no one has left the bathroom since the call, but sounds of movement have come from the bathroom. PD officers enter tactically, and kick open the door to the Last stall (Larger for handicapped persons) low and behold they find Not a Man with a Gun, but a 18 yr old guy doing the dirty with a 16 yr old female. The Male was arrested for an outstanding warrants and the 16 y/o had her parents contacted. Both were banned from the property for a period of time.

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  • tlangsr
    replied
    Originally posted by dla4122
    I was running shift when I get a call from "A"-Gate that my officer had an offender detained and he needed a supervisor. I get to the area and my officer tells me he has an offender refusing to be searched. Well I inform the offender he will submit to a search, as it is policy or force may be used. He begins to argue then all of a sudden I see that he starts rubbing his lower area and getting agitated. He finally comes out of his clothes and he had a bag of jalepenos in his pants. The juice had seeped out all over his lower region.
    Never had to use force, offender used chemical agents on himself
    he was sent to medical and received a disciplinary for theft from the kitchen. Never had him steal anything since.

    Me and about four co's had to take a 5150 down for refusal to comply with my orders.

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  • tlangsr
    replied
    Originally posted by Big Bulldog
    Not so funny but really strange:

    1) Baglady who stole a tampon and then threw her used one back on the shelf. We made her clean it up as there was no way we were touching it.

    2) Lady who stuffed a pair of baby booties up her....well....her....vagina. Female cop found them during a strip search and was none too happy.

    3) the old guy who liked to sniff the wall of lady's undergarments.

    4) the old lady who tried to escape on her scooter while my partner and I held the back wheels off the ground. She couldn't figure out why she wasn't moving until she looked back and saw us.
    Me and the wife thought it was funny.

    Leave a comment:


  • Matt218
    replied
    We were playing around with the new camera systems at a store in a very ghetto area.

    In walk two well dressed white teenaged kids. They are wearing hoodies from a school that is about 15 miles away. Something made me watch them.

    We go upstairs and start watching the camera as they stroll into the alcohol section.

    Teen 1 stands near the front of the aisle, using his piriphials to try to see whos coming from the side, he has no clue he is staring at a tampon display in front of that aisle.

    Teen 2 starts browsing around liquior, his hands are shaking so bad that he can barely hold the bottle of Jagier that he picked up, he almost dropped it, and then accidentially spilt some Budweiser playing cards all over the place.

    I felt like arresting him for being a dumb ass, it was funny though.

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  • locknid
    replied
    All I have to say is a 6'5" African American transvestite easily 220lbs wearing a sequence top and a very short mini skirt who decided to resist arrest after shoplifting some beer. To make it even better I am 5'7" and about 170lbs. The wig went flying, my supervisor who watched the video of it said it looked like I was beating up some gigantic woman, and after it was all said and done my work shirt was covered in black make-up which i could never get out. No way I was gonna get a tranny kick my ass.

    Also not really funny, more disgusting but was patrolling an apt complex, saw two subjects in a vehicle "engaged", but could not see the entire situtaion because of some window fogging. Well I shined my flashlight in and saw one set of balls, moved my flashlight down and saw another set of balls, eh gads I had come across two dudes getting it on in a vehicle. After questioning them I found out they were visiting their girlfriends in the apt complex next door and had said they were going to pick up some alcohol, instead they ended up getting it on with each other in a car. I decided to leave it at that and let the g/fs find out on their own both their boyfriends were gay. haha
    Last edited by locknid; 01-13-2007, 03:09 PM.

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