What are the funniest thing you ever witnessed

[Defensive tactics]

good morning everyone
Please submit your funniest LPO story (NO names/dates/store info please). My funniest story I actually heard from somebody else.My Lpo trainer... we had this woman in her mid 30-32 range and she was walking kinda funny (straddling taking baby steps avoiding camera's) so she walks past the cash and in between the doors and it turns out she gave "birth" to a turkey (that she was squezzing between her legs) so suspect just casually kicks the turkey away points at another shopper and says she stole it, and walks out of the store, needless to say she was grabbed pretty quickly. It was a lot funnier when my LP trainer told it to me.

What are some of your funny stories for loss prevention

stay safe
Ben

[ff000525]

Not a loss prevention story but its funny...

... so I hope you don't mind me posting it here.
I get a call from my partner to escort a delivery truck to the shipping area late one night. Ok, that's normal... except my partner was very concerned with the fact that I must escort this truck and driver. So anyway I meet the driver and we go to shipping. The driver is a weird guy from Milwaukee and is acting all hyper and everything, but he's cordgial (if I was a betting man I'd say he was on some type of speed). In the middle of loading up his truck he suddenly stops, gives me a weird look and says "do you have a little boy's room around here?" He says this as he's bouncing up and down like a 3 year old that has waited too long to use the potty and might not make it. I say "Sure, its right here, let me walk you over there" I was not gonna leave this guy alone for one second. I take one step and the driver looks at me, says "nevermind" and runs out the door to the parking lot. Well, I hear him outside cussin and fussin, then he comes back in and lo and behold, he had wet himself, a grown man had pee'd his pants! He walks past me like nothing happened, finished loading his truck and left. After he left I closed up the office locked the doors and fell down on the floor laughing at this poor guy (at least I didn't laugh in front of him).

[Serpico]

I was the FTO in my district and I had a real winner to train one day. Key words being "one day". I let her go on her break and I decided to watch her while she was in the store. Sure enough, she started putting DVDs into her purse. After she stepped out for a cigarette, I brought her back in. My company was subcontracted to handle LP work, so naturally, my boss wanted to keep this on the low from his client. I advised the local PD that she needed a ride and I took her out back to wait away from the employees. In her infinate wisdom, she decided to make a run for it while we waited. She got about a block down when the cruiser saw me running after her. It was her lucky day, the R/O was a K9...

[T202]

It was her lucky day, the R/O was a K9

Did the K9 turn her into a "Happy Meal"?

[Serpico]

It was her lucky day, the R/O was a K9

Did the K9 turn her into a "Happy Meal"?

No, she was pretty much cornered and gave up. To the left was a very busy street. To the right was a high fence. Behind her was me. And about a block ahead was the K9 Officer who was getting the dog out of the back. She saw the dog and decided not to hop the fence. K9 Ofc. took her in without further incident.

Our company's hiring manager got his coin purse broke for days about what a great selection he made.

[ozsecuritychic]

i had this real smart man that thought he would bring his truck into the malls carpark(iam from the country so we dont have very big malls or carparks)this truck was towing a motor home/horse float that had 10 horses in it as well.he was trying to get around a bend that only just has room for 1 single car and of course got stuck, this all occured on thursday night(late night shopping)just before easter.this bloke wanted me to have 2 rows of cars moved so he could park his truck and do his shopping.he ended up getting out after about 2 hrs.after he was rude to the centre manager she rang her friend that just happens to be a parking inspector and got them to pay a visit and he was fined a big amount of money for his stupidity.

[1stWatch]

I chased after a shoplifter one time who had a gold necklace. At the start of the chase, she slipped out of her sandals, dropped her purse, and her wig fell off. Halfway into the chase, I grabbed her, but pulled an Alzheimers on proper grappling and ended up grabbing her sleeve instead of her elbow. The one-piece dress she was wearing ripped at the seam, she slipped out of it, and continued to run while wearing bra and panties. I caught back up to her and restrained her properly that time...
We were nice enough to place her torn dress back on her after she was handcuffed.

[Big Bulldog]

Not so funny but really strange:

1) Baglady who stole a tampon and then threw her used one back on the shelf. We made her clean it up as there was no way we were touching it.

2) Lady who stuffed a pair of baby booties up her....well....her....vagina. Female cop found them during a strip search and was none too happy.

3) the old guy who liked to sniff the wall of lady's undergarments.

4) the old lady who tried to escape on her scooter while my partner and I held the back wheels off the ground. She couldn't figure out why she wasn't moving until she looked back and saw us.

[N. A. Corbier]

For awhile, we were doing narcotics suppression operations on a property. The usual lockdown, challenge everyone, etc. The police anti-drug unit had us on cell phone, and kept an unmarked jump-out car in the area to keep an eye on the crack house next door.

One night, we notice a woman sitting on the steps in one of the apartment buildings. It was about 1:30 in the morning, and the gates were locked at 12:00 AM. You basically needed to either see us, or have an vehicle entry card to get in or out.

My partner goes up towards her, I'm behind her in the middle of the court. All of a sudden I hear on the radio, "She's running." We had Motorola MTX radios limited to talkabout mode, so no one else was on the radio but us unless TPD dropped down to talk to us.

She runs across the courtyard, and behind the second row of buildings. I am already moving to cut her off, as the fencing and building prevented her from going left or right, Ofc. Greene prevented her from going backwards, and I was waiting for her as she came forward.

I'm moving forward, and see the wonderful sight of a large african american woman running towards me, wearing a fishnet top and nothing else, money streaming from the mesh of her shirt, while she's digging into her pockets.

She stops after being lit up with the flashlight, and the order "Get your hands up" is issued. She then started screaming, "Help! Police Brutality! These honkey cops are beatin me!"

One of the adult residents sticks her head out the window, says hello to me by name, and asks me to shut that "damned crack dealing whore who the manager kicked out last month!"

So, after taking her into custody (ugh, it was my job...) for night prowling and trespass after warning, we have to pick up all her money, and were looking for crack or whatever she was selling. Unfortunately, the large sum of wadded up twenties indicated she'd sold whatever it is she was selling in the unit.

She was nice enough to tell us what unit she was visiting, and through targeted survelience, they were evicted shortly after for housing drug operations. Idiot woman was arrested for trespass after warning (The responding police officer didn't want to try for night prowling, since "the public" was not alarmed, only the security people.)

[bigdog]

The responding officer didnt challenge your right to detain?

[Guest]

some punk took the sticky magnetic strips off merchandise in the dressing room. the punk left and made the alarm sound. He didn't stop so I tackled him. Could not find any of the strips on him.

Then I looked at the dumbass' shoes, he stepped on them, and they stuck to the bottom of his shoes, he got a bitch slap just for that one.

[ozsecuritychic]

[QUOTE=Big Bulldog]Not so funny but really strange:


3) the old guy who liked to sniff the wall of lady's undergarments.

there is a guy that goes into bras n things and buys womens underwear then brings it back in a couple of days to exchange them for others for some reason he thinks its a library but even stranger they were giving him a refund and throwing the stuff that he took back out.

[Big Bulldog]

Wearing them perhaps????

Seen it all. Nothing surprises me anymore.

[ACP01]

Very confused and mixed up girl

A few weeks ago a woman in her mid 20s came up saying she needed PD as she haqd been assaulted.
I called 911 and an officer responded. The officer asked me to standby as back-up while he questioned the girl.

Turns out she was thrown out of a crack house. (WHAT do you have to do to be thrown out of one of those?!?) Besides that she thought she was in a town about 40 miles away and was trying to get back to this town.

Anyway I heard from the PD that after she had made bail (Pick a charge), she stole a pick-up truck to "go home". She wrecked about 5 miles away.

[HotelSecurity]

I've had 2 stark naked prostitutes! It seems the escort agencies have advised them if they get into trouble to run out into the hallway & start yelling. Someone will call security. They do!