What are the funniest thing you ever witnessed

[Defensive tactics]

good morning everyone
Please submit your funniest LPO story (NO names/dates/store info please). My funniest story I actually heard from somebody else.My Lpo trainer... we had this woman in her mid 30-32 range and she was walking kinda funny (straddling taking baby steps avoiding camera's) so she walks past the cash and in between the doors and it turns out she gave "birth" to a turkey (that she was squezzing between her legs) so suspect just casually kicks the turkey away points at another shopper and says she stole it, and walks out of the store, needless to say she was grabbed pretty quickly. It was a lot funnier when my LP trainer told it to me.

What are some of your funny stories for loss prevention

stay safe
Ben

[ff000525]

... so I hope you don't mind me posting it here.
I get a call from my partner to escort a delivery truck to the shipping area late one night. Ok, that's normal... except my partner was very concerned with the fact that I must escort this truck and driver. So anyway I meet the driver and we go to shipping. The driver is a weird guy from Milwaukee and is acting all hyper and everything, but he's cordgial (if I was a betting man I'd say he was on some type of speed). In the middle of loading up his truck he suddenly stops, gives me a weird look and says "do you have a little boy's room around here?" He says this as he's bouncing up and down like a 3 year old that has waited too long to use the potty and might not make it. I say "Sure, its right here, let me walk you over there" I was not gonna leave this guy alone for one second. I take one step and the driver looks at me, says "nevermind" and runs out the door to the parking lot. Well, I hear him outside cussin and fussin, then he comes back in and lo and behold, he had wet himself, a grown man had pee'd his pants! He walks past me like nothing happened, finished loading his truck and left. After he left I closed up the office locked the doors and fell down on the floor laughing at this poor guy (at least I didn't laugh in front of him).

[Serpico]

I was the FTO in my district and I had a real winner to train one day. Key words being "one day". I let her go on her break and I decided to watch her while she was in the store. Sure enough, she started putting DVDs into her purse. After she stepped out for a cigarette, I brought her back in. My company was subcontracted to handle LP work, so naturally, my boss wanted to keep this on the low from his client. I advised the local PD that she needed a ride and I took her out back to wait away from the employees. In her infinate wisdom, she decided to make a run for it while we waited. She got about a block down when the cruiser saw me running after her. It was her lucky day, the R/O was a K9...

[T202]

It was her lucky day, the R/O was a K9

Did the K9 turn her into a "Happy Meal"? :)

[Serpico]

It was her lucky day, the R/O was a K9

Did the K9 turn her into a "Happy Meal"? :)


No, she was pretty much cornered and gave up. To the left was a very busy street. To the right was a high fence. Behind her was me. And about a block ahead was the K9 Officer who was getting the dog out of the back. She saw the dog and decided not to hop the fence. K9 Ofc. took her in without further incident.

Our company's hiring manager got his coin purse broke for days about what a great selection he made.

[ozsecuritychic]

i had this real smart man that thought he would bring his truck into the malls carpark(iam from the country so we dont have very big malls or carparks)this truck was towing a motor home/horse float that had 10 horses in it as well.he was trying to get around a bend that only just has room for 1 single car and of course got stuck, this all occured on thursday night(late night shopping)just before easter.this bloke wanted me to have 2 rows of cars moved so he could park his truck and do his shopping.he ended up getting out after about 2 hrs.after he was rude to the centre manager she rang her friend that just happens to be a parking inspector and got them to pay a visit and he was fined a big amount of money for his stupidity.

[1stWatch]

I chased after a shoplifter one time who had a gold necklace. At the start of the chase, she slipped out of her sandals, dropped her purse, and her wig fell off. Halfway into the chase, I grabbed her, but pulled an Alzheimers on proper grappling and ended up grabbing her sleeve instead of her elbow. The one-piece dress she was wearing ripped at the seam, she slipped out of it, and continued to run while wearing bra and panties. I caught back up to her and restrained her properly that time...
We were nice enough to place her torn dress back on her after she was handcuffed. :o

[Big Bulldog]

Not so funny but really strange:

1) Baglady who stole a tampon and then threw her used one back on the shelf. We made her clean it up as there was no way we were touching it.

2) Lady who stuffed a pair of baby booties up her....well....her....vagina. Female cop found them during a strip search and was none too happy.

3) the old guy who liked to sniff the wall of lady's undergarments.

4) the old lady who tried to escape on her scooter while my partner and I held the back wheels off the ground. She couldn't figure out why she wasn't moving until she looked back and saw us.

[N. A. Corbier]

For awhile, we were doing narcotics suppression operations on a property. The usual lockdown, challenge everyone, etc. The police anti-drug unit had us on cell phone, and kept an unmarked jump-out car in the area to keep an eye on the crack house next door.

One night, we notice a woman sitting on the steps in one of the apartment buildings. It was about 1:30 in the morning, and the gates were locked at 12:00 AM. You basically needed to either see us, or have an vehicle entry card to get in or out.

My partner goes up towards her, I'm behind her in the middle of the court. All of a sudden I hear on the radio, "She's running." We had Motorola MTX radios limited to talkabout mode, so no one else was on the radio but us unless TPD dropped down to talk to us.

She runs across the courtyard, and behind the second row of buildings. I am already moving to cut her off, as the fencing and building prevented her from going left or right, Ofc. Greene prevented her from going backwards, and I was waiting for her as she came forward.

I'm moving forward, and see the wonderful sight of a large african american woman running towards me, wearing a fishnet top and nothing else, money streaming from the mesh of her shirt, while she's digging into her pockets.

She stops after being lit up with the flashlight, and the order "Get your hands up" is issued. She then started screaming, "Help! Police Brutality! These honkey cops are beatin me!"

One of the adult residents sticks her head out the window, says hello to me by name, and asks me to shut that "damned crack dealing whore who the manager kicked out last month!"

So, after taking her into custody (ugh, it was my job...) for night prowling and trespass after warning, we have to pick up all her money, and were looking for crack or whatever she was selling. Unfortunately, the large sum of wadded up twenties indicated she'd sold whatever it is she was selling in the unit.

She was nice enough to tell us what unit she was visiting, and through targeted survelience, they were evicted shortly after for housing drug operations. Idiot woman was arrested for trespass after warning (The responding police officer didn't want to try for night prowling, since "the public" was not alarmed, only the security people.)

[bigdog]

The responding officer didnt challenge your right to detain?

[BoxerGuard]

some punk took the sticky magnetic strips off merchandise in the dressing room. the punk left and made the alarm sound. He didn't stop so I tackled him. Could not find any of the strips on him.

Then I looked at the dumbass' shoes, he stepped on them, and they stuck to the bottom of his shoes, he got a bitch slap just for that one.

[ozsecuritychic]

[QUOTE=Big Bulldog]Not so funny but really strange:


3) the old guy who liked to sniff the wall of lady's undergarments.

there is a guy that goes into bras n things and buys womens underwear then brings it back in a couple of days to exchange them for others for some reason he thinks its a library but even stranger they were giving him a refund and throwing the stuff that he took back out.

[Big Bulldog]

Wearing them perhaps???? :rolleyes:

Seen it all. Nothing surprises me anymore.

[ACP01]

A few weeks ago a woman in her mid 20s came up saying she needed PD as she haqd been assaulted.
I called 911 and an officer responded. The officer asked me to standby as back-up while he questioned the girl.

Turns out she was thrown out of a crack house. (WHAT do you have to do to be thrown out of one of those?!?) :confused: Besides that she thought she was in a town about 40 miles away and was trying to get back to this town. :confused:

Anyway I heard from the PD that after she had made bail (Pick a charge), she stole a pick-up truck to "go home". She wrecked about 5 miles away.

[HotelSecurity]

I've had 2 stark naked prostitutes! It seems the escort agencies have advised them if they get into trouble to run out into the hallway & start yelling. Someone will call security. They do!

[robvancamp]

Pre-Security days: I was working nightshift shipping at a large baking company. As usual I had parked my car inside as it was not a good neighborhood. About an hour after I started working, a guy walks up to me and asks me the way out. I pointed to the door and told him how to get out. He came back a minute later, and asked me again. I took him to the door myself, and opened it for him. I had noticed he had some items in his hand, but I didn't think much of it, him being the homeless type and all. 7am the next morning I discovered it was my car stereo and speakers he had had in his hand - AND I LET HIM OUT!!!

Security: We had had a garbage truck come onto the property, the kind that empty dumpsters. We have only one roadway around the property, and you have to pass under several buildings to drive around the property. His forks had been too high, and he ripped out the sprinkler system under the first building. He waited for his supervisor to arrive, and when the supervisor got there, he noticed the height clearance was 13 feet.

"Is that clearance right?' he asked me
"Yes," I replied
"You sure?" He asked.
"Actually, it's more than thirteen feet," I replied.
He looked at the sprinkler system, and said to me "It looks like someone has put new piping in there recently. I think this may be on you guys."
"It is new piping," I responded, then, pointing at the driver I said "We just replaced it because he ripped it out last month!"

The supervisor didn't want to talk to me after that, and the damge was paid for within a week!

[Defensive tactics]

I was about mid way through my LPO shift and I see this older lady (as in 80) eat 7 peanuts I am like you have got to be freaken kidding me, So I follow her to the cash she pays for all her other items except the peanuts, I go outside and wait for her, she steps out I identify my self as store security, she totally ignored me and keeps walking (I am like no way you are going to make me chase you) so I catch up to her and again identify myself as store security she pushes me away with one arm and keeps walking (by this time I had about reached the limits of my patience) so I boxed her in (no contact just body positioning) and once again identified myself as store security, finally she complied and was told to leave property, but Never in a million years would I have imagined an elderly suspect trying to run from me. I thought it to be pretty funny at the time.

stay safe

[N. A. Corbier]

Living in Florida, I quickly learned that the elderly can be some of your most dangerous suspects.

This doesn't count towards funniest thing, because it wasn't that funny, but, here goes.

I was patrolling a condo complex. It was a "drive the golf cart till it dies because maintenance won't charge it, walk around, then get in your car and drive it around." Yes, that was in the unofficial official post orders. Drive your car.

I make a walking pass. This condo was owned by the Chicago Police Officer's Benevolence Assocation. Yep, a retired CPD park in Florida. We had many, many retired LEOs, all of them over 60, and all of them clueless in Florida Law.

I knew one of the guys named Gavin. He was CPD, a nice guy, retired as a detective. Unfortunately, he hit his head when he fell on his wife's had to have tile floor, and was never the same again. :(

Another officer comes on site in a large, white, Ford F-250. We ride around a bit, it was common for one officer to give "extended coverage" on posts if they had to take care of duty or personal related things. I.e.: Food delivery, talking, or seeing me about how to write a report. :)

After the second pass, Gavin's wife comes out. She has, and this was not good, a loaded .38 caliber revolver in her hand. She starts yelling, we stop, throw the doors open, identify ourselves, and draw down on her.

Several of the other residents look out, see us in a big truck pointing guns at a woman with a gun, and call 911.

The police arrive, take her into custody, and Gavin is by now awake. He comes out, finds us talking to the cops, his wife in handcuffs, and grabs his shield and is like, "Hey, Nate, what's going on?"

"Gavin, you need to talk to the cops, they're going to take your wife to jail for aggarivated assualt. That's assualt with a weapon."

The police were adamant about taking her, even after Gavin requested PC. They were pissed off because she wouldn't drop her gun even after they showed up!

Eventually, a sergeant arrived, and Gavin, myself, and the other officer asked the sergeant if it can either be dropped with a stern talking to, or ROR her. He chose the ROR route. For "brandishing," not ag. assualt, because conviently forgot where the muzzle was.

Many would ask, "Why didn't you lock the dumb hag up?" And I always answer, "Because the dumb broad's cop husband put his gun and badge in a lock box and never gave her the combo after that."

That's the only time I've given PC to a cop. It wasn't because he was a cop, it was because he was an elderly man who I was friends with, and was a good guy, and his wife (the stupid obessive woman she was), didn't need to go to jail that night. I guarantee you, PC wasn't even on the minds of the Largo Police Department.

They hated responding there, because they'd argue law with the retired Canadian and Chicago folks..

[robvancamp]

This doesn't count towards funniest thing, because it wasn't that funny, but, here goes.

You're wrong - that is funny!

[dla4122]

I was running shift when I get a call from "A"-Gate that my officer had an offender detained and he needed a supervisor. I get to the area and my officer tells me he has an offender refusing to be searched. Well I inform the offender he will submit to a search, as it is policy or force may be used. He begins to argue then all of a sudden I see that he starts rubbing his lower area and getting agitated. He finally comes out of his clothes and he had a bag of jalepenos in his pants. The juice had seeped out all over his lower region.
Never had to use force, offender used chemical agents on himself :D
he was sent to medical and received a disciplinary for theft from the kitchen. Never had him steal anything since. :p

[1stWatch]

One time at a mall I worked at there was this one weird kid who would walk around all the time wearing black shorts, knee level boots, a goth rock shirt, and a trench coat and wore a pentagram necklace and a Jewish skull cap on his shaved head. He had some bad emotional problems and we had to deal with his issues on numerous occasions. One time we found him crying and beaten up. He claimed somebody had beaten him and his friend up just then while they were smoking pot and robbed them for marijuana. He actually wanted to make a robbery report with the police and told them the same thing.

[irisheyes]

There was one time when I had arrested a female for the theft of some CD's.
this lady threw herself on to the ground and started to take a fit. She was rolling around shaking etc and claimed to be epileptic but as soon as her cell phone rang, she answered hello and spoke in anormal manner to her friend on her phone for a minute but as soon as the conversation had ended on the cell phone this lady continued her "fit" until the police arrived. I stood by and let herself tire out. It was kinda funny.

[angrybrownman]

Hey folks:

I am new to this forum, and think the forum is a wonderful idea, I'd like to share some of my favourite and funny stories from 10 years of LP work in Toronto, Ontario Canada.

1. When I first started working in LP, I worked for one of Toronto's busiest, and largest Department store chains. The company flagship store was located at one of the busiest intersections in Toronto. I was working the main floor of a 9 floor store. My fellow investigators had just taken a suspect to the LP office, and I was alone. I wandered into the cosmetics department to chat it up with the women who worked in the department. As I walked in I noticed a male suspect cruising the department, acting really nervous. He approached the fragrance dept. he removed a plastic bag from his pocket, and then reached into his pocket again, and removed something else that he placed in the bag to make it look like it wasn't empty. In the fragrance dept. he proceeded to the CK-1 display and immediately selected and concealed 2 bottles of CK-1 into the plastic bag. Of course he proceeded to the main doors and exited the store. Outside the store I approached him; as soon as he saw me he made a run for it, and now the chase was on. I called for back-up relayed my location and proceeded to chase the suspect across a busy intersection and down another street. I caught up to the suspect and we both began to struggle, in my attempt to arrest the subject I managed to grab the bag with the merchandise inside. I tried to gain control of the subject but he broke free and again the chase was on. As we ran I remembered my radio did not work very well this far away from the store, and the subject was running into a housing project. I decided to cut my losses and proceed back to the store. I looked in the bag, and noticed that not only was my merchandise still in the bag, but the item he had placed in the bag to act as a weight was his wallet, with of course all his ID still inside. He even had a summons to appear in court for another shoplifting charge from earlier in the week. He was charged a short time later.


2. A couple of years later I was still working for the same store, at the same location. The city was under a major alert. The local unions had pledged a day of “Action,” against the Provincial government. In previous years this “Action,” had become very violent. The company had decided to bring in all the LP staff from the surrounding stores, and have them work the flagship store in Downtown Toronto. They were worried if a riot started the store would become a free-for-all. Imagine having a store with 67 LP investigators all on at the same time. As I cruised the store I observed a suspect select and conceal several pairs of “Guess” jeans into a gym bag. He was someone that was fairly well known to LP especially to our company as he had been arrested numerous times before. I called for back-up as he exited because he was known to run. I had all 67 investigators attend for back-up. The suspect when he exited noticed me behind him and several familiar faces from LP investigators that had arrested him in the past in front of him. He had no where to run. The suspect upon exit just fell to his knees, dropped the merchandise and said “Where the F**K did you guys come from.” He never hit any of our stores again.

3. One of my favourite stories again comes from working for the same company. I was in our control room utilizing the pan-tilt CCTV system. I noticed a person whom I had come to know fairly well in the electronics dept. I kept the camera on him for a moment. At this time I observed him select a walkman (Day’s way before IPODS) I watched as this person whom I knew removed the earphones from the package, and placed them into his top shirt pocket. He then placed the rest of the walkman back into the box, and back on the shelf. The subject then began to leave the department and walk towards the exit. I left the control room, and had my partner follow him with the CCTV, as I followed him on foot. I watched him exit, but did not know how to approach him. He was a Toronto Police Officer in uniform. He had attended our store many times to process shoplifters. I stopped him and began to talk to him. I asked him about the earphones. He looked at me smiled and then told me to “f**k off.” I kept talking to him trying not to create a scene. He was becoming more and more verbally abusive and was creating a scene. I think he finally realized he had to come back in as I had requested. The elevator ride back to the office was some what scary I did not know if the officer was going shoot me and run for it. I couldn’t ask him for his weapon. I brought him up to the office and began to read him his rights. My partner had already placed a call to police communications when were just coming up. As I read him his rights, two gentlemen in suits came into the security office identified themselves as detectives and took the officer with them, and left. About ½ hour later I was still trying to figure out what happened when I noticed the officer I had dealt with walking the mall, on duty in uniform.

4. A few years after that incident I was working for another retailer. They had asked me to go to a high theft location for the day and see if a fresh pair of eyes could increase the arrests at that store. Sometime in the early afternoon I noticed a male subject in the store select and conceal several watches into his pant pockets. I waited for him to leave and after passing all points of sale I approached him. He immediately began to fight as I tried to forcefully arrest him. I managed to pin him on the ground and started to cuff his hands. All of a sudden I heard “I wouldn’t do that,” followed by some swearing. I looked up and noticed 3 big guys looking down at me. I was away from the main doors at the time, and kind of hidden from plain sight. I picked up my subject removed the handcuffs, dusted him off and tried to walk away. The subject and his friends began to push me around, tried to get my wallet (left that in the office) roughed me up a bit and then wandered away. Pissed off I went back to the store. I knew by the time I called the police they would be gone. I watched as my subject and the three others joked around in the parking lot. All of a sudden the three friends walked away and my subject was alone in the parking lot. I ran from the store chased him down took some “frustration,” out on him and was in the middle of cuffing him when the police arrived. Someone had seen the commotion and called the police. The police continued the arrest, and discovered he had warrants for his arrest. (He should have left with his friends).


5. Around Christmas, while working for the same company, I received a call from a cashier stating she had been robbed. Raced up to the register and discovered, a customer had walked up to the register and with some toothpaste. When the cashier rang up the sale and totalled the value. The subject passed the cashier some money and when the till opened the subject grabbed all the twenty’s and ran out the door. When the subject first attempted to pay he removed money from his wallet, as he grabbed the money from the till he dropped his wallet on the counter and ran. All of his ID was in his wallet, including conditions for his parole. He had been released from prison recently. He spent the rest of Christmas in jail.

6. Last story: After spending time in this new company, and getting a considerable amount of apprehensions, including some major internal cases, I finally proved to the powers-that-be, I needed a partner. Got a partner who was a little weird, she liked working when I wasn’t working, and did not like being around very many people. I noticed her acting suspicious one day, and decided to watch her. I noticed her pick-up merchandise as she walked that would disappear. The store manager was very excited having two LP in the store, and was really happy at the arrests my partner was making. I attempted to convince my boss something suspicious was happening, but he did not believe it. So one day I set up a camera in the office. My partner brought everything and anything she could get her hands on. Once she brought it into the office she would conceal it onto herself by wearing it, or placing items into her oversized purse. I watched her do this for about 2 weeks, finally got the police to come down and arrest her. The officer that had come had looked at her and said. “I was at your house about a month ago.” She said yes you were. He then said. “I guess you just failed the background investigation.” Turns out she was pretty close to getting on the police force, until I ruined her dreams.

These are some of my favourite stories, will share more in the future.

ABM

[S/O245]

Was she hot lol had to ask sorry




I chased after a shoplifter one time who had a gold necklace. At the start of the chase, she slipped out of her sandals, dropped her purse, and her wig fell off. Halfway into the chase, I grabbed her, but pulled an Alzheimers on proper grappling and ended up grabbing her sleeve instead of her elbow. The one-piece dress she was wearing ripped at the seam, she slipped out of it, and continued to run while wearing bra and panties. I caught back up to her and restrained her properly that time...
We were nice enough to place her torn dress back on her after she was handcuffed. :o

[S/O245]

on duty at the gas station i pull into the lot and she blood hair and go oh a woman is at the counter woman turns around and is dressed like a girl would on halloween and i thought dang thats one ugly woman lol. Well as the woman got closer to the door i said that aint no woman thats a man lol. his leg hair was showin lol. when i walked in the clerk she goes did u see that lol

Stay Safe All :)

[HotelSecurity]

Welcome angrybrownman. That store wouldn't happened to be Eat*n's would it? (Or in Québec Eat*n)

[S/O245]

Now why in the world cant i have that on my shift somethin funny like dat. Everyone else gets it but me, should i cry lol j/k.

Stay Safe All :)


I've had 2 stark naked prostitutes! It seems the escort agencies have advised them if they get into trouble to run out into the hallway & start yelling. Someone will call security. They do!

[Eric]

Supervisor :Here is your pay, don't spend it all in one place....
Me : :rolleyes:

[treetop]

I had a "non-shopper" that was asked to leave by one of my officers. He was verbally abusive and I came out and backed up the officer and asked him to leave the premises. He escalated his verbal abuse and punched a mall directory, i.e. was generally disruptive. I had the luxury of an option of notifying an off duty police officer that I hired for the property. By the time some of my staff and the nutcase were out in the parking lot, he retrieved a pipe he had hidden behind a parking stop, and was waving it at my staff and I while issuing threats. The police officer arrived and gave him one chance to leave. He declined, at which time he was told he was under arrest. He backed away from the officer, so I grabbed him and wrestled around, as the officer was attempting to handcuff him, unsuccessfully. We wound up in a position where I had him in a bear hug from behind, there was another security officer behind me, and another behind him. The police officer decided he needed to be maced, so when he took the mace out and aimed it - I ducked, the bad guy ducked, the officer behind me ducked, but I guess you can guess what happened to the last security officer in line - he forgot to duck! He was maced full-on in the face. We transported him to an eye wash station laying down in the back of an extended golf-cart. He was screaming, "I've been hit!! I've been hit!". You had to be there, but it was very funny and I could hear the music from the Benny Hill show in my mind. I later told the guard, "hey Bob, you forgot to duck!"

[FDG06]

..had to break up a fight between a 1 legged man against a 1 armed man..they were fighting over a 1 eyed lady (she had a glass eye, but still..)..100% true story!
I sill cant help but laugh my ass off, when I recall the whole scene.
Yoda

[WhoMe?]

One night at closing my LPM and I went chasing after a lady who stole $200 worth of blue jeans. As we were running I had to dodge another customer, which pushed me into the shoe section. I had to hurdle a display of shoes, but my heavyset LPM who was right behind me didnt see that move coming and hit the waisthigh display. He was not a happy camper.

[copelandamuffy]

One night I noticed a tractor trailer parked on the other side of the company parking lot. I went over and banged on the door to the cab of the truck.
No answer. Banged again no answer. I finally peeked inside the cab of the
truck. This good old boy, had picked up some sweet young honey pie, he paid
$50 for fun and frolics. I knew what he was doing, but did ask,
"What the heck are you doing?" His only response was:
"Can we finish what we started" I told him to get his rig off our property

I went back to the manufacturing plant and told the client whom
was on site at the time. All he could do was start laughing
He did say it probably best not to write up an Incident Report,
but he did say he would recommend me for bravery for stopping a major
crime going on. :) ;)

I did not hear the end of this. All the workers would kidd me as the
mean old Security Guard who stops a man from having a good time. :rolleyes:

[N. A. Corbier]

There's a word for that I can't repeat here. Something or other block. I know, I've been called it. :)

We used to get suspicious vehicles in our parking lots at a "high risk" property. Now, these were usually one of three things. 1. Drive by setup, 2. Some teen trying to get it on with another teen, 3. Stolen car drop-off.

We would take a tactical approach on these vehicles, as we don't like getting shot at. Some will say, "You should of called the police, instead of doing that yourself," however, the City of Tampa Police Department noted that there was no crime, so don't call them till you know there is.

So, that meant we got to figure out what was going on ourselves. Met more resident teens and their boyfriends or baby daddies that way.

That, and they liked to go at it behind the bushes. No damn clue why, it wasn't like the parent were home.

[angrybrownman]

Voice instructed Police Officer to shoplift, court hears


2006-03-22




CANADA, OTTAWA - It was good cop, bad cop as Const. Alec Moraru explained to a court the "out-of-body state" he says drove him to shoplift.

"I was yelling at myself to stop," Moraru testified of his experience watching his hands move, seemingly of their own accord, to hide grocery items in a briefcase.

The officer says his bizarre behaviour at a Barrhaven Loblaws on Dec. 9, 2004 was spurred by post-traumatic stress disorder brought on by the 1998 suicide of Kimberly de Snayer, a rookie cop he mentored.

Moraru alleges police brass railroaded him into accepting responsibility for the rookie's death and forced him to admit to an affair with de Snayer that he says never happened.

His shopping trip started out normally, but turned odd when he began smelling aftershave he'd been buying for years. His wife and others would tell him the scent he wore smelled clean, he said. "I can remember thinking I haven't felt clean in years," Moraru told the court.

'A SWITCH WENT ON'

He also found himself picking up blocks of cheese, despite having some at home already.

"I was asking myself, 'Why am I buying so much cheese? ' " he said.

He then heard a voice in his head say, "You've been a mouse all your life. Go ahead and have your cheese."

After the voice, it was like "a switch went on," he said. "It was like being a marionette and all of the strings got taken away and were being pulled by someone else."

Moraru is accused of stealing several blocks of cheese, chocolate bars and bottles of aftershave from the store. He's also charged with assaulting a security guard and uttering a threat.

He told of the agonizing stress he suffered following de Snayer's suicide and the admissions he says he was forced to make.

Violent nightmares involving him being judged by, and then taking revenge on former deputy chief Vince Bevan and two other supervisors, plagued him, he said, as well as three-day stretches of nearly sleepless nights.

He said he stopped socializing and became "anal" about order in his home.

His wife, Sharon, testified that her formerly happy husband became withdrawn and angry after the suicide. In sharp contrast, Moraru became more relaxed, happier and less stressed after his arrest.

Caught on video by store security, he flashed a badge in an apparent attempt to fend off trouble. After being taken into a store security office, he bolted from the store after learning police were being called.

Security gave chase, but Moraru told them he had a gun and put his hand in his pocket and chased them off before fleeing in his car.

He was arrested later that afternoon.

[angrybrownman]

Police Officer Guilty of Shoplifting, Sentenced to (of course) Probation


2006-03-14 CANADA, MONTREAL - A Montreal Police officer found guilty of shoplifting a basket of groceries has been sentenced.

41-year-old Guy Marleau has been handed a suspended sentence and one year of probation.

In april 2002, Guy Marleau entered a Provigo grocery store in Baie D'Urfe, filled his shopping basket and left with 191 dollars worth of food.

When confronted by the store's manager, Marleau explained he was a police officer and that he was testing the store's security system.
He was not authorized to do that.

Marleau was arrested and suspended without pay...

His lawyer, Philip Schneider, says his client has been treated unfairly.

Schneider adds his client will likely be fired by th Montreal police force and has found a job working in landscaping.

[DMS 525]

I read somewhere were this idiot tried to shoplift a parrot from a pet store, and stuffed the bird down in the front of his pants. Walked out smirking like the smug SOB he was, when the parrot bit him someplace important! Security found him lying on the floor screaming! Same for some other stooge who tried to shoplift a live lobster. Same thing as the parrot thief; served them both right!

Funniest thing I have ever seen with my own eyes was when I worked p/t for a Sears some years back. Bonehead wears this long frock coat; first thing he shoplifts is this girdle, and puts it on, over his pants but under the coat. Then he is going all over the store shoplifting and stuffing the stolen items in the girdle. When he finally left the store, we were laughing so hard at him we couldn't even tell him why we were apprehending him. PD thought that was quite a hoot, too.

Some thought this was funny, others didn't(especially this guy I busted). Saw him shoplift some clothing and some cassette tapes. I badged him as he went out the mall entrance door. He took a swing at me, and then tried to run like Bruce Jenner. He got as far as the fountain/goldfish pond, when he fell in it! Perhaps because as I went to physically apprehend him, I 'accidentally" shoved him instead of grabbing him. I handcuff the soaked bozo, and dragged him back into the store. He's screaming at the top of his lungs for someone to call the cops, saying I tried to drown him!

Cops thought that one was a real hoot, too, and the camera by the mall entrance door caught all the action. Knucklehead went to jail for theft in the 5th and simple assault while soaking wet in the month of March!

[Brian]

was working as mall security when a call came over the radio of a shoplifter fighting a store manager. When my supervisor and I arrived we noticed that the shoplifter was about 250 pounds, and the manager an easy 320, it was like watching sumo wrestling!

So we detained the shoplifter, with no great ease, and was told that she had snuck into the employees back room, and taken 2 $20 bills, a drivers license, a buspass, and a checkbook.

Since we had no female officer present we did a preliminary search for weapons, and found the buspass in her waistband. So we called the police requesting a female officer for a search. While getting her vital info she decided to become cooperative, and give up the rest of the items, so we cuffed 1 hand to the bench, and she then dropped her pants, in front of God and all and you guessed it she had placed it all in the vaginal vault...while she was doing the "removing of the items the female police officer arrived laughing the whole time, telling us this is her usual method of theft.

We were never the same.....LOL

[locknid]

All I have to say is a 6'5" African American transvestite easily 220lbs wearing a sequence top and a very short mini skirt who decided to resist arrest after shoplifting some beer. To make it even better I am 5'7" and about 170lbs. The wig went flying, my supervisor who watched the video of it said it looked like I was beating up some gigantic woman, and after it was all said and done my work shirt was covered in black make-up which i could never get out. No way I was gonna get a tranny kick my ass.

Also not really funny, more disgusting but was patrolling an apt complex, saw two subjects in a vehicle "engaged", but could not see the entire situtaion because of some window fogging. Well I shined my flashlight in and saw one set of balls, moved my flashlight down and saw another set of balls, eh gads I had come across two dudes getting it on in a vehicle. After questioning them I found out they were visiting their girlfriends in the apt complex next door and had said they were going to pick up some alcohol, instead they ended up getting it on with each other in a car. I decided to leave it at that and let the g/fs find out on their own both their boyfriends were gay. haha

[Matt218]

We were playing around with the new camera systems at a store in a very ghetto area.

In walk two well dressed white teenaged kids. They are wearing hoodies from a school that is about 15 miles away. Something made me watch them.

We go upstairs and start watching the camera as they stroll into the alcohol section.

Teen 1 stands near the front of the aisle, using his piriphials to try to see whos coming from the side, he has no clue he is staring at a tampon display in front of that aisle.

Teen 2 starts browsing around liquior, his hands are shaking so bad that he can barely hold the bottle of Jagier that he picked up, he almost dropped it, and then accidentially spilt some Budweiser playing cards all over the place.

I felt like arresting him for being a dumb ass, it was funny though.

[tlangsr]

Not so funny but really strange:

1) Baglady who stole a tampon and then threw her used one back on the shelf. We made her clean it up as there was no way we were touching it.

2) Lady who stuffed a pair of baby booties up her....well....her....vagina. Female cop found them during a strip search and was none too happy.

3) the old guy who liked to sniff the wall of lady's undergarments.

4) the old lady who tried to escape on her scooter while my partner and I held the back wheels off the ground. She couldn't figure out why she wasn't moving until she looked back and saw us.

Me and the wife thought it was funny.

[tlangsr]

I was running shift when I get a call from "A"-Gate that my officer had an offender detained and he needed a supervisor. I get to the area and my officer tells me he has an offender refusing to be searched. Well I inform the offender he will submit to a search, as it is policy or force may be used. He begins to argue then all of a sudden I see that he starts rubbing his lower area and getting agitated. He finally comes out of his clothes and he had a bag of jalepenos in his pants. The juice had seeped out all over his lower region.
Never had to use force, offender used chemical agents on himself :D
he was sent to medical and received a disciplinary for theft from the kitchen. Never had him steal anything since. :p


Me and about four co's had to take a 5150 down for refusal to comply with my orders.

[Chadly]

I have a couple...

1) I was the acting Supervisor on duty, and an Anchor LP agent calls over the radio stating there are people fighting in their lower Parking Lot. Myself and another Officer respond as well as others. Me and the Officer are first to arrive. Upon arrival we have about 5 females yelling and hitting each other. We start giving strong verbals to stop, and once additional units arrived began taking people into custody. I took one subject and pinned them up against the back of an SUV, and they turn at me and Say " Hey, Im a girl, let me go!" (Could've fooled me) Anyway she gets cuffed as well as most everyone else.

Investigation showed that it was basically a Lesbian Love Triangle. with one female bringing two of her friends and the Ex-lover bringing two of her friends. Several of the girls got hefty fines for Disorderly Conduct ($800 range)

2) I was on duty assigned to dispatch, when Housekeeping staff in the food court reported a Man with a Gun in the Mens Bathroom. So, I sent Officers and the Supervisor and alert the local police. Officers set up a perimeter on the bathroom and awaited for PD arrival. PD arrived and one officer brought in a Shotgun just in case. So, our supervisor advises no one has left the bathroom since the call, but sounds of movement have come from the bathroom. PD officers enter tactically, and kick open the door to the Last stall (Larger for handicapped persons) low and behold they find Not a Man with a Gun, but a 18 yr old guy doing the dirty with a 16 yr old female. The Male was arrested for an outstanding warrants and the 16 y/o had her parents contacted. Both were banned from the property for a period of time.

[LPAjh9558]

This happened one morning sometime after the opening LP had arrived to start letting associates in the store and it was still very dark outside. As he's scanning the perimeter of the store he observes a homeless guy standing by the boats just outside the exit doors. The LP sees him bend down to remove a plastic bag from his pant leg and then watches as the guy stuffs the bag down the back of his pants:confused: This homeless guy starts taking a DUMP right there in the bag:eek: The LP then watches as he removes the bag...and stuffs it in his sock and leaves:eek: :rolleyes:

[NRM_Oz]

Worked a sick leave shift at for a small retailer at an old mall. Tossing rubbish into a bin, I noticed workers were working on the UP escalator but had switched them to let people use the other to go down. 10 minutes later, a man grabs an armful of cheap shirts with free ties and ran off to go down the escalator not knowing it was switched and people were coming off. I casually approached him and asked if he had a receipt for these 30 odd shirt / tie packs ?

What about "WOO HOO Woman" who would come into the men's fragrances, spray under her arms and face and then lift up her skirt and go "WOO HOO" as she sprayed that part too.

My colleague in the USA has a CCTV tape of an idiot with a beer box on his head who tried to rob a 7/11 and when he was not heard took the box off his head right under the CCTV and thought he was being smart when he put it back on again.

[bpdblue]

I once had a guy try to explain his wife's shoplifting by telling me it was her, "time of the month," and that I should understand how crazy women get. :eek:

It was so stupid that I laughed so hard. That, in turn, caused the shoplifter and her husband to BOTH start crying. Well, I didn't want to get into trouble for abusing them with my laughing, so I let her go with a warning.

[Bill Warnock]

I was the senior Security Police NCO on duty when the desk was notified of a brawl at an on base club. I requested a patrol dog team be brought to the club. When we got inside, I instructed the handler to have his K-9 talk to the crowd. The German Shepherd let out a series of loud barks and folks scattered. We saw three people attempt to sit in the same chair and numerous folks just sat down on the floor. The night manager was released from captivity of a utility closet. I asked for the senior person there to identify him or herself. I then asked that person to ask the crowd to leave the club. One young lady had her dress ripped off and was trying to cover her breasts with her hands. We put a tablecloth on her and left the club. The sight of three frightened people trying to sit in the same chair, barking K-9 teeth bared and hackles up still causes me to chuckle 30-plus years later.
Enjoy the day,
Bill

[NRM_Oz]

Bill, please tell me you have cctv of the 3 idiots trying to play musical chairs ? It is amazing how a 4 legged officer is never argued with by unruly people.

1 of my electronics stores was located in a high risk area near a pawnbroker. I visted the pawnbroker 1 day to introduce myself and to swap details. Having lunch near the store, he rings me to say he has a brand new DVD recorder being pawned with no manuals. I knew a non-working display model was stolen last month so rang the police (200 yds away). Inside we find a couple I know with the DVD Recorder who have more stuff in their unregistered car with 3 kids left alone, full of stolen stuff to hock. It was not the last time this happened with the same pawnbroker.

Outside our store, a well dressed girl offered me cheap aftershave. I asked her the brands and she said any brand at 25%. I felt uneasy and asked for 2 bottles of ________ as she walked into MY STORE as I radioed control to record her theft. Outside she is all smiles and I am too as I produce my ID and arrested her. She lost the smile soon after when another LPO appeared to assist me take her into my office.

[Bill Warnock]

NRM oz, we did not have CCTV 30-years ago. Command posts perhaps, not at clubs. If you close your eyes, you can see those three trying to sit in the same chair hoping and praying to God, the handler had complete control of the K-9.
You are right, four-footed radar can work wonders.
Enjoy the day,
Bill

[NRM_Oz]

Oh it does not matter Bill - but I can assure this would be a great war story to tell over the years. I think our police should have more K9 teams working the streets especially with NYE and those big events.

[souperdave]

I was out on the dock catchin' a smoke a few years back and saw a beauty of a 4-point buck wander out of the woods, across the parking lot, then into an open double-door leading into a maze of mall back hallways.....Mr. Buck found an open door into the mall proper whilst we were in hot pursuit, hit the nicely marbled mall floor at about 20+mph, straight across into GapKids....20 minutes, 4 cops, a smattering of firemen, LP and Mall Security AND a good bit of unscheduled remodeling later, the Buckmiester was in custody!

Released via the most expiditious route, Mr. B sprinted off......

...........unfortunately across the lots and onto the interstate.:(

[junkyarddog]

Funniest thing I ever witnessed was a pair of tennis shoes melted to the top of a massive 345KV transformer in a transmission substation. A would be thief cut the fence line, climbed the transformer and tried cutting a live 345 line ON the transformer. Not sure why it was so funny but it was hilarious to see those shoes melted to the spot he was standing when he got juiced.

[Piper_1]

I work for a 3rd party company so we're into all kinds of stores. I had caught a guy at a grocery store and was outside handing over my paperwork to the local cops when I saw another male fly out of the store with a cart full of groceries and store staff giving chase. The interesting thing about this store is that the carts will go as far as the property line and then the front wheels lock up. The cop looking a bit confused for a second realized what was happening and started to give chase. I stopped him 2 steps into his run so that he could fully appreciate what was about to happen. Sure enough, the guy gets to the property line and the cart locks up sending him skidding over the cart landing on the other side with an audible grunt. We were laughing so hard that it took a few moments to compose ourselves enough to approach and retrieve our stuff from the clearly shocked and slightly dazed male sitting on his ass. I've got many other funny stories, but that's for another day.
cheers

[Curtis Baillie]

The shopping cart you describle is catching on in the grocery industry.

[NRM_Oz]

Meeting with the Ops Manager for a small office furniture chain, he showed me CCTV images of a Bonny and Clyde team who hit them for 10 inkjet printers with a GNR in a trolley (cart). He then said "watch this" as another shot shows Bonny returning the trolley back into the store for her $2.00 coin refund deposit.

In a high risk store after previous GNR's I filled the 3 display box DVR's with scrap parts and old VCR units. 1 GNR idiot ran off with JUNK and I flew interstate overnight to get witness statements the next morning. 2 hours into trade, Mr S/L walks in with friend in tow asking for an exchange. Police are called as I identify them via CCTV (same cap / jacket each) and tattoos and through chatting to them, I obtain full names and addresses (in their writing) when I apologise for their troubles. There was initial shock that they were so dumb as I heard they were both on bail for something else.

[Mr. Security]

The shopping cart you describle is catching on in the grocery industry.

That's a great idea. :)

[Curtis Baillie]

Most grocery concerns who are buying these carts are do so as it costs dollars to scour the neighborhoods to retrieve them. Many end up in streams, rivers and drainage canals. Add the fact that some municipalities are fining retailers for not doing a good enough job on cart retrieval - it is more cost effective, in the long run, to purchase these kind of systems.

[NRM_Oz]

Trolley or cart management is a major issue and 1 retailer I worked with as an investigator would have semi- trailer deliveries of 500+ every night of thoses for repairs and those for replacement. Again, without these simple tools, customers will walk away or buy less than expected. From last report, they cost over $1k US and the local councils will impound them and inpose around a 10% fine (not exactly sure on this). So this can add up to be very expensive when you consider 10 of these fines a week is far more than paying for someone to drive around the streets locating them.

[Aussie-SO]

We open our center up in stages, 0530 Area 1 is opened up as the supermarkets fire up at 0600.

On a Sunday Area 2 is not opened until 0900, I had just opened up the shutters allowing people access into Area 2 and was proceeding to open the auto doors when I noted a man riding his bike through the center.

I asked him to get off his bike and walk it, his response was "yeah mate" and he continued to ride on knowing I was not going to be able to catch up to him. At this point there were a small number of customers who bore witness to what occurred next.

You see I had no need to catch up to him, I casually continued on watching him as he approached an auto door I had yet to unlock and came to an abrupt halt.

He turned and looked at me and I waved my keys at him the small crowd who had witnessed the initial exchange between myself and this bloke burst out laughing.

I turned and started walking away, this annoyed him and he stated as much whilst "telling" me to open the door.

I advised him to get off his bike and follow me, we proceeded right back to Area 1 and the door he had first entered the center in. I then told him to try again but this time he was to "WALK THE DAMN BIKE!"

He wasn't about to be belittled in such a manner and hopped on his bike cursing me and my heritage as he left the center for the long trip around its boundaries.

[Don of the Dead]

When I worked for Marshalls we had a drunk wander in with a Marshal-Fields bag, and he proceeded to fill it with 3 $200 Leather coats, he turned to walk away and felt something bump him in the back. It was the sales rack, in his intoxicated state he failed to notice they were attatched via security cable. So he tried tugging and tugging and this didn't work. So he called over an employee to "unlock a few so I can look at them" Seeing as Mall security, myself and the TJ Maxx LP from across the way were waiting for him up stairs (Basement mall Marshalls) she had my permission to unlock them. He then tucked the security cables into the bag and exited, only to be brought back down by us 15 seconds later.

[Don of the Dead]

I once had a guy try to explain his wife's shoplifting by telling me it was her, "time of the month," and that I should understand how crazy women get. :eek:

It was so stupid that I laughed so hard. That, in turn, caused the shoplifter and her husband to BOTH start crying. Well, I didn't want to get into trouble for abusing them with my laughing, so I let her go with a warning.


My favorite excuse of all time was a kid who did a shoe switch, after a small chase and handcuffing he tells me a story how a man in a ski mask kocked on his door the night before, forced his way into the house, put the gun to his head and said "You are going to steal me a pair of shoes from Marshalls tomorrow, or I'll come back here and kill you and your whole family"
So I asked if he had been chosen due to his foot size by this "madman" and he said "yes"
So I asked him if I was to believe that a man commited several felonies to get this kid to commit a misdemeanor for him. he said "yep"

After re-telling the harrowing story to his step dad he got a slap upside the head. :)

[Ewfr 'Gomulee]

I couldn't post information on names, dates... even if I wanted to... I'd be breaking the law... over here anyways.

Anyhow... the funniest thing I saw was in a Super Market called WaitRose, which was right next door to the shop I was guarding.
I'd gone into WaitRose to talk to their guard and to follow suspected shoplifters around with him and relay radio chatter to the other guards in the area.

Basically the theives noticed me from being ''the guy in the other shop'' and did a runna... we were about to give chase when both of the suspects actually managed to trip over on a slippery surface that had just been cleaned of cooking oil.

The looks on their faces as they realised they were falling was a real classic I can tell you.

I wasn't allowed to arrest them because I was not a licenced guard so I have to supervise the arrests and take notes and keep people away.

The Police turned up and told us we'd done well and that these two kids had been spotted on the other side of town looking a little bit suspicious in another shopping store and that they'd been spotted in various locations all over the town. (These kids got around)

Well me and my fellow guard were dead chuffed with ourselves.

I guess the funny part in this story is the very moment when the first kid slipped and took out his buddy and they fell.

Oh how they cried.

[CAPTAIN KOOLAID]

Where to start. I was working at D.H Homes parking lot in the French Quater New Orleans la. I was site supervisor we had two patrol officers they walked the floors. While I sat with cashier in the officer , but I was able to sterch my legs 15 mins of every hour. So I was walking down the lanes of parked car when I saw something out corner my eye I saw something like someone mouting a horse In the middle of black SUV. I radio the two patrol officer to go to my car and get my spare flash lights and 10-19 (return to or go to) to the 3rd floor south end. Once they got there I told them we going sneak up on the suv when I keyed up my mic it was signal to flood car with light. We stuck up on sides and back of the SUV I keyed the mic . It's was like fliping the switch in roach filled apts the topless female subject dove to front seat while the male subject trying get his pants up and zips . In doing so I get a ass print on the side glass window. Then he zipped his gear up in zipper and let out a loud scream. It was to funny So I read them riot act about how we have apts tenants and hotels guest that may have kids and there 50 hotel in the area. I let them off with warning I copy they ids for my files and told them if every see them in here pulling this kinda stuff again they go jail . I then had page my boss let him know what happen we had those text beeper back in the day. So I called the service and this little sweet innocent sounding thing with deep south draw anwers the phone i'm spining my wheels how tell this lady what we came across. after afew sec it came to me and said we had two subject one male one female having adult relations in back of there suv she repiled with you caught them ****ing! sorry use of a bad words

[NRM_Oz]

A few years ago, I was working back due to a billion pieces of evidence I had to catalogue so was using the board room of a retailer I worked for to spread out the evidence into sub categories. I open the door as it was warm inside with no A/C when I spotted a female sales manager and a male worker going for it on the display beds. CCTV was recording and I was unsure how to alert them so began to cough and slammed the door getting a sudden halt. Scampering for clothes, I gave them time to dress and approached them asking who the male was. Personally I was pushing for a termination but the SM was gutless and asked to see the CCTV footage which is against policy. The girl did resign and she married the same bloke as I did get invited to her wedding which between us was a little secret.

[EVILjbf]

This isn't very funny, but I was redirected here.

I caught a man masturbating with his own feces after having written his name on the wall with said feces.

Funniest?I came upon a guy parked illegally in a fire lane facing the wrong direction. So I came up to his window and knocked on it. He looks at me like "what"

I told him, "sir, you can't park here. This is a tow away fire lane and you're parked on the wrong side of the road."

without hesitation he says ""**** you, where does it say I can't park here?"

I pointed through his driver side window at the no parking sign he was next to.

He said "oh, sorry." and drove off.

[N. A. Corbier]

You just won a prize for disturbing me.

[secguy]

This is not funny but might be amusing to some.

A few months back I was work an over-nighter at the guard shack.
It was 0400 when the Human Resources person for the client showed up.
I asked why the special visit. She only said she was "checking on things".
Wondering what her motivation was for the visit I asked a few employees
for their opinions. They said the remains of small dead animals and birds were
found on the property.

As it turns out a land developer had been clearing the adjacent property and
here is a list of the species that showed up on our property:
a) a family of Florida panthers (mom, pop & little ones);
a trapper eventually got rid of them
b) alligators
c) possoms
d) raccoons
e) more snakes than normal
f) and last of all a goat

[rrruuunnn]

i drove to a restaurant to check a problem with one of our cameras at 3:00 am. i hear noise inside and call the cops. 6 cops show up and waits outside for this guy. we hear loud banging noise inside. one cop looks impatient. another cop slowly walks to me and asks if i am sure that it's not an employee. i told him i'm sure. and that the bg is banging on the safe. a cop at the front window waves at the guy. 2 cops at the back door tackled him as he went out the back door.