Funniest thing you've been called FOR

[Will]

This is an offshoot of another thread on here, because it's what I thought the thread was FOR. Oops :p

What's one of the funniest / oddest things you've been called up for? I can think of two right now. One of our warehouse managers called us up because he lost his lunch. As in...he left his McDonalds somewhere, and when he went to grab it, it was gone :rolleyes:

Another one was just today. I got an e-mail from one of our people in New York. One of the local security guys had his personal play station stolen from the duty desk. My first question........why in the H3LL did he have a playstation at the duty desk?!?!

[1stWatch]

Apartment noise complaint calls - people call us not for loud music, but for people "walking too loud" on the floor upstairs. What would they ever expect us to do about that? :confused:

[The_Mayor]

Been working at a Gated Private Resort Community for a month now. I thought it would be slow and laid back..but stuff happens... Last week a guest was acting up in the locker room of the golf club. He was sitting naked on the bench. He was rubbing his genitals against the bench and he was making happy sounds. He just sat there for minutes on end, doing this until I got there. He kept doing it when I told him to stop. So I took everything out of his open locker (his clothes, bag, and other stuff) and threw them outside in a puddle of rain. Then he left.

[Mr. Security]

To: The Mayor,

With all due respect, I find your graphic post regarding the locker room incident to be inappropriate for this type of forum. I respectfully request that you edit the graphic portion so that everyone understands what you mean w/o being so descriptive.

I appreciate your cooperation.:)

Thanks,

Mr. Security
Senior Member

[Tennsix]

To: The Mayor,

With all due respect, I find your graphic post regarding the locker room incident to be inappropriate for this type of forum. I respectfully request that you edit the graphic portion so that everyone understands what you mean w/o being so descriptive.

I appreciate your cooperation.:)

Thanks,

Mr. Security
Senior Member
While, I don?t always agree with The Mayor, I would hesitate to say his post is inappropriate. It is graphic but the explicit nature of the post is relevant. His story is no worse than some we hear on the news. If those are the facts, than his post was OK, in my opinion.

[Mr. Security]

While, I don?t always agree with The Mayor, I would hesitate to say his post is inappropriate. It is graphic but the explicit nature of the post is relevant. His story is no worse than some we hear on the news. If those are the facts, than his post was OK, in my opinion.

The thrust of his story can still be made simply by using the word self-abuse or masturbation. We all know what part of the body he is referring to w/o posting it and we also don't need to know how he did it. Frankly, there is nothing funny about it. That's why LE can arrest individuals for such indecency.:(

[Bill Warnock]

Mr. Mayor:
Your instant post has crossed the bounds of propriety. Essential elements of a story is one thing, titillation for its own sake is another and must be avoided. Ask yourself this question, ?Were I on the witness stand would I so testify using that same terminology?? Please consider all members of this site as courtroom witnesses.
Enjoy the day,
Bill

[Mr. Security]

Mr. Mayor:
Your instant post has crossed the bounds of propriety. Essential elements of a story is one thing, titillation for its own sake is another and must be avoided. Ask yourself this question, ?Were I on the witness stand would I so testify using that same terminology?? Please consider all members of this site as courtroom witnesses.
Enjoy the day,
Bill

Well put. Thanks. :)

[The_Mayor]

Mr. Mayor:
?Were I on the witness stand would I so testify using that same terminology?? Please consider all members of this site as courtroom witnesses.


Yes, If I was on the witness stand testifying I would use the terminolgy "Genitals" instead of "Penis" or "D***". If you thought the above was disturbing, you would have vomited if you read my Incident Report.

I documented the situation quite thoroughly. This saves my company from lawsuits...just imagine if this man went to trial for indecent exposure.....

Defense Attorney: "What did you see my client do?"

Mayor: "I saw him masturbating in plain view"

Defense Attorney: "So, you saw him touching himself with his hands..Yes?"

Mayor : "No, I saw him sitting on a bench, moving back and forth.

Defense Attorney "So my clients was not touching himself. You saw my client sitting on a bench and you ejected him from the premises just for sitting on the bench"


Do you see the ambiguity? Better to write everything as detailed and graphic as possible. CYA. ;)

[Mr. Security]

Since this is not a trial, but a forum, and a clean one at that so far, we don't need all the details. In addition, this thread is entitled: "Funniest thing you've been called FOR." I see no humor in this unclean, and sometimes, criminal act.

Again, can you PLEASE edit your original post?

[Tennsix]

The thrust of his story can still be made simply by using the word self-abuse or masturbation. We all know what part of the body he is referring to w/o posting it and we also don't need to know how he did it. Frankly, there is nothing funny about it. That's why LE can arrest individuals for such indecency.:(
I have made many such arrests. With some, I did get a chuckle but not because it was funny but because people never cease to amaze me. I didn?t consider Mayor?s vernacular as insensitive or reprehensive. I will agree that the incident was not comical, however.

In short, I don?t share your criticism but you presented your opinion well and I respect that.

[Mr. Security]

I have made many such arrests. With some, I did get a chuckle but not because it was funny but because people never cease to amaze me. I didn?t consider Mayor?s vernacular as insensitive or reprehensive. I will agree that the incident was not comical, however.

In short, I don?t share your criticism but you presented your opinion well and I respect that.

Understood and appreciated. Instead of the word "amaze," I prefer disgust. We will have to agree to disagree on this one.:)

[1stWatch]

Goodness, I've caught people doing a lot dirtier things than that. Guess I'm what you call hardened to it :rolleyes:

[N. A. Corbier]

I'm afraid after the 4th or so arrest or detention or whatever you wish to call it for lewd and lacivious behavior, including one guy pointing his johnson at me while threatening to urinate on me... You get used to it.

Also, I defended myself from his threat of battery by spraying him in the jimmy with Sabre OC/CS. He needed an ambulance, it was worse than in the face.

[Taser]

I'm afraid after the 4th or so arrest or detention or whatever you wish to call it for lewd and lacivious behavior, including one guy pointing his johnson at me while threatening to urinate on me... You get used to it.

Also, I defended myself from his threat of battery by spraying him in the jimmy with Sabre OC/CS. He needed an ambulance, it was worse than in the face.
Hahahaha, lovely! What did EMS say when they got there?

[wisconsinite]

Back in my days of doing casino security, I used to love busting people in the act of fornicating. In their cars, in parking structure stairwells. There's alot of weird things going on inside the casino that security isnt aware of, until it happens, including prostitution, illegal drug use, etc. We usually catch them, in the act, where the woman is strattling the guy in the drivers seat, or seeing some ass going up and down in a backseat. Or oral sex going on. There's nothing more embarassing (to the offenders) than having 2 or 3 security vehicles roll up on a car, with full lightbars activated with takedown lights. Talk about a show-stopper! LOL. We don't call the cops on them...just tell them to zip themselves up and leave. we then maintained visual to ensure they leave property.

[ff000525]

I was walking around the property I'm assigned to ( its called patrol I call it.....) and my partner radioed and told me that a Delivery had just arrived and the driver was acting really weird so he wondered if I could escort him to the loading docks. This is at like 7:00 at night so everyone is pretty much gone for the night, well, I get to the docks and the Delivery driver meets me there and he is pretty wierd. He was all jumpy and talked all fast, if I was a betting man I would bet that he was tweaking on something. He loads and unloads his truck and makes small talk with me and then suddenly he's like "Hey you, do you have a little boy's room around here?", I was about to take him to the bathroom (its in a different part of the building) and suddenly he says "nevermind!" and runs outside. 30 seconds later I hear him cussing and yelling then everything gets quiet, he comes back in, looks at me and says " I didn't make it". Sure enough he had peed his pants...... weird stuff always happens to me.

[Mr. Security]

Back in my days of doing casino security, I used to love busting people in the act of fornicating. In their cars...

http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/wuerg/vomit-smiley-020.gif

That's what I think of this so-called funny post.

[ACP01]

Ewww! Gross! :)

[crankloud]

One of our guards fell into the swimming pool fully clothed,a two way radio,two pagers,two sets of car keys and his wallet.He was on duty at the hospital were we are employed.I was called to put his very wet uniform into the clothes dryer and wait until it dried then return it to him.we now call him "Flipper".

[Bill Warnock]

We were on patrol in the county when we pulled up to this car on a lonely rural road about 11:00 PM. The folks were having intercourse. My partner tapped on the rear window. The gentleman, without missing as stroke, pushed a police badge from a nearby large city against the window for about 10 seconds and then continued without a break. Took the tag number, undercover car.
We laughed all the way back to our car, told our fellows about it at the end of shift. All of us had a good laugh.
Two days later, that same city policeman paid a visit to our center and stated he hoped he didn't cause us any problems. All of us near died laughing.
Enjoy the day,
Bill

[jakeslife]

Hmmm...

A noise complaint from a downtown high rise that a woman could hear a dog barking through her kitchen vent. We have come to know her on a first name basis now.

A tipped over portable toilet in a city park with someone inside it.

[The_Mayor]

There were far better ways of handling this situation,

Please enlighten me then.

[The_Mayor]

Why should he edit his post and make it ambiguous for us "courtroom witnesses?" Pick a viewpoint and stick with it, guy - no one likes the wishy-washy.

I hear you. I just don't get it. He is a nice guy but it seems like he can't stomach anything.

[The_Mayor]

Why would you "love" that? You found enjoyment in catching people in sexual acts?

I can relate. I don't love catching couples in there cars. But on a slow shift it brings a little excitement.

[Mr. Security]

But wait... you agreed with Bill Warnock that he should address us as courtroom witnesses. Why should he edit his post and make it ambiguous for us "courtroom witnesses?"

Pick a viewpoint and stick with it, guy - no one likes the wishy-washy.

Boy, you're pretty quick there buddy. I posted that so long ago that I don't even remember the context of what you're talking about. By the way, don't get smart, just stay the way you are. :)

[Mr. Security]

Don't blame me, blame jakeslife - he bumped the thread. Time doesn't negate hipocrisy.

The word is spelled hypocrisy. I hear your allegation, but that's all it is.

[wisconsinite]

[QUOTE=The_Mayor]

U.S.M.C.-Uncle Sam's Misguided Children

Or how about...?

U Signed the Mother-****ing Contract


Or in MY situation....

NAVY - - Never Again Volunteer Yourself

I know this post is entirely unsecurity related. But felt compelled to goof off anyhow.

[1stWatch]

Why would you "love" that? You found enjoyment in catching people in sexual acts?

I recently came upon a gentleman who was lying down in his reclined seat in a vehicle parked on one of my properties who was mostly nude, except for a pink teddy he was wearing around his chest, and he was (ahem) touching himself. He ended up being arrested.
Now, I found that situation to be rather disgusting, but I did enjoy catching this person in the act because I found it to be hilarious. It was a kind of situation that gets remembered years after it happened. I certainly did not "love" the behavior though.

[jakeslife]

Don't blame me, blame jakeslife - he bumped the thread. Time doesn't negate hipocrisy.

What am I being blamed for now?

Not bad spelling I hope... :-D

[HotelSecurity]

I got a call one night to go to a room where a guest had called from saying that she wanted to commit suicide. I rushed to the room & knocked on the door. I heard the guest telling me to come in. I let myself in & found a young female "stuck" in the bed. She had seen the James Bond film, Goldfinger. She decided to off herself by painting herself from head to toe in yellow paint. (She couldn't find gold paint at the store). Apparently in the movie the villian kills people by dipping them in paint. Their pores clog, they can't sweat & they die from heat exhaustion. The problem with her plan was that she crawled under her sheets in her bed to die. The paint dried & she became stuck to them!!

I had another suicide where I found a guy hanging on the back of a door. The hotel had the customer comment cards. Before killing himself he had filled one out. There were 2 boxes to check off asking for the reason for the visit, business or pleasure? He drew a third box & checked off "suicide". Another question asked " will you return?" He wrote "what do you think?".

I get my fun when working at our hotels that have large open parking lots by harrassing the escort agency drivers. They sit in the cars waiting for the "ladies" to finish their business with the guests. I approach them & ask what they're doing on the property. If they're honest with me I leave them alone. If they lie, I call the police & report a suspicious car :D

My most discusting thing. On a patrol I went to open the door to the stairway & found it stuck. I pushed a little but there seemed to be something behind it. I put my shoulder against it & shoved hard. A guy who apparently had been on his knees was knocked over. Another man who had been standing in front of him quickly pulled up his zipper :eek:

[N. A. Corbier]

That's an interesting question, right there. We were told that if there's a suicide report, that we are not to enter the room or do anything else, but simply call 911. "Observe and Report." Because we might tamper with evidence or something.

Anyone have a good policy on that? :)

Also, Neil, used to have a problem with call girls at one of the hotels. We were lucky, they would linger around, so we'd hit them with a trespass warning. I know you can't do that though. :(

I look at postitution on site like this: If they're lingering around the site, then its a security matter. If they go to the room, into it, do their business, and leave... Then we don't have to protect the client from them.

[HotelSecurity]

I got into an arguement with the 9-1-1 call taker because I refused to cut down the guy I found hanging on the back of the door & start CPR. My Police Technology school wanting to preserve evidence took over, over my EMT training although I was taught that you did not have to start CPR if the person is OBVIOUSLY dead. When the person is hanging right side up & shoulders are pure white, the legs dark red & the body as stiff as a board, it obvious. And I'm surprised that in the states that has a reputation for suing more than we do that it would not be automatic that you have to try & do something while waiting for the ambulance.

We used to be hard on the prostitutes but our owner ordered us to turn it down. Like you they are not allowed to hang around the bars (very rare now anyways in this age of escort agencies). But a prostitute going to a room is "part of what happens in a downtown hotel, it's not a church". Our guys are just trained to note any suspect prostitutes seen entering or leaving a room. The time & description is noted in the log. When guests get robbed by prostitutes they can't go home & tell their wife so a lot of them blame the Maid. If a prostitute was seen going into or leaving the room this is mentioned while they are making the theft report. As in "did you have any visitors?" "No, what about the 20 year old blond female seen going into your room at ...".

When I started in the business the prostitutes working in the bars was a problem. We worked 2 per shift then, undercover but we had clip on badges. When we found a prostitute working in the bar we'd take out our badges & clip them to our pockets. We'd then go to the bar & one Officer would sit on either side of the "lady". We'd put our walkie-talkies up on the bar & order a Coke. For some reason they'd get up & leave :confused: :cool: :D

[IB107]

hmmm funniest thing... not sure but heres two unusal things...

i had to send a fellow officer to the hospital one night, it was raining all day and got really cold it was like 14 degrees out side, and officer pack, was on a exterior patrol, by one of the elevator bays was a patch of black ice, that is always icy, well he slipped and fell, and cut open his hand, it required 7 stiches

now for numebr 2, the janitors have the thing the used to ride around on at crossroads mall salt lake city utah (although only there 2 months), it was kinda of a funny thing that happened i guess, well the ride around thing was supposed to mop the floors, as im on patrol, i hear a alarm coming from one of the tenant vacant kiosk, then i notice crumbles on the floor, i follow the trail of crumbles, and it lead to a concrete post that had some tile work on the first 24 inchs up the post to make it look all pretty, well one of the janitors ran the machine into the wall, they didnt say anything, they were supposed mind you, but i knew who did it the guy driving the blue scrubber machine. i ask how it happened he said he didnt know he turned it on and it went into the post. im thinking okay.... so you didnt park it before, you have been running the machine all night, how did it hit. he said he didnt know, so i went and got the polriad camera, to take pics, well the stupid thing dropped and broke. so that night we had two broken objects :P

(btw i quit ipc international, which was the company that provided security for crossroads mall, i didnt care for the site manager and still dont he was sexist but would not admit it, thats a story for later)

[DizZy SO]

This weekend I was called to retrieve a garbage can lid that some kids were playing with. By the time I got there the kids were gone and the lid was across the street at the prostitutes’ corner. There was a van parked getting ready to pick up some prostitutes while I walk up. The passenger door slammed shut before they could get in and the van peeled out. The prostitutes just stood there not knowing what to do.

The next day on 1st shift (thank goodness I wasn’t working) security from the building across the street calls up and says their is a guy going to the bathroom next to one of your buildings. The CCO looks on camera and the guy is done and at the bus stop. Well he didn’t pee. The CCO sends a patrol officer over to the bus stop. The officer says you clean your mess up or we call the cops. The guy cleans his mess and leaves.
How gross is that and the guy didn’t even try to hide when he went, it was right on the sidewalk you could still see the stain.

[Hank1]

I would have to say that I have two examples of the dumbest calls that I have had to respond to. One resident called about a large toad that "wouldn't let" her into her apartment. Another one was of a spider in a resident's shower!

Be safe,

Hank

[Chucky]

I would have to say that I have two examples of the dumbest calls that I have had to respond to. One resident called about a large toad that "wouldn't let" her into her apartment. Another one was of a spider in a resident's shower!

Be safe,

Hank
Having lived in that area I would assume the Spider was a Wolf spider. Two pronounced fangs and it's eyes when hit with a flashlight would be extremely blue as in the blue reflectors in some driveways. Those dudes would grow big and hang out in showers looking for water. They also were known to jump at you on occasion as a scare tactic and it really works.

Also I would bet the frog peed on you the moment you touched him /her?
I think all the horror movie makers get their inspirations from Fla. We were training for night dives in a pool in the Tarpon Springs area and came across an Owl in the road eating a DOA Armadillo. The Owl had to be 3 feet tall. Unbelievable and no we we not drinking:)

[HospitalPatrol]

I got into an arguement with the 9-1-1 call taker because I refused to cut down the guy I found hanging on the back of the door & start CPR. My Police Technology school wanting to preserve evidence took over, over my EMT training although I was taught that you did not have to start CPR if the person is OBVIOUSLY dead. When the person is hanging right side up & shoulders are pure white, the legs dark red & the body as stiff as a board, it obvious. And I'm surprised that in the states that has a reputation for suing more than we do that it would not be automatic that you have to try & do something while waiting for the ambulance.


In my EMT-B Training I learned that dead people need CPR, lol.

I see what you are saying like the rigor mortis is a good sign that no matter what you do the patient is not going to survive but still I mean in most circumstances it couldn't hurt to give it a try. Someone might appear to be dead forever but you could bring them back. Especially if family happens to be around they need to know you have done everything.

In some states in the US you might have had a duty to act if you are a certified EMT in that state, so you would get in trouble for not doing anything. On the other hand, anywhere in the US you can go ahead and do you best to help and even if you screw up you cant get in trouble for it because you are a "Good Samaritan".